09.23.09 – A Wednesday

WORD

amalgamate [uhmal-guh-meyt] v. 1. to mix or merge so as to make a combination; blend; unite; combine: to amalgamate two companies 2. Metallurgy. to mix or alloy (a metal) with mercury 3. to combine, unite, merge, or coalesce: The three schools decided to amalgamate 4. to blend with another metal, as mercury

BIRTHDAY

Euripides (480 BC), Kublai Khan (1214), Mary Mallon (1869), Mickey Rooney (1920), John Coltrane (1926), Ray Charles (1930), Julio Iglesias (1943), Bruce Springsteen (1949), Jason Alexander (1959), Elizabeth Peña (1961), Ani DiFranco (1970), Jermaine Dupri (1972), Layzie Bone (1975), Rachael Yamagata (1977), Melanie Oudin (1991)

STANDPOINT

Two things I’ve always been gifted at are (a) making drinks and (b) convincing people I’m actually interested in the words coming out of their mouths. So, I’m a natural bartender.

And I love bartending. For the most part. But there a few annoying people who might appear during any given night I’ll always be unhappy to lay eyes on.

  • “The Loud Dude Who Is Totally Fucking Wrong About Pretty Much Everything” – This guy lives in every bar you’ve ever been to. He offers his opinions on just about everything in earshot, reciting  facts and statistics that are completely false. People put up with this kind of guy because, although he’s stupid, he’s no idiot and eventually offers to buy drinks for other customers. Sadly, people accept because, hey, free alcohol. As the bartender, and therefore the only sober person present, I’m forced to listen to the guy’s conspiracy theory about how Jack Ruby didn’t kill Lee Harvey Oswald, despite that being the one fucking fact in the whole JFK conspiracy everyone knows is absolutely true.
  • “The Wishy-Washy Individual Hankering For Some Dream World Elixir” – OK, here’s a tip for all you who plan on ever going to a bar again. Don’t pepper the bartender with an endless ingredient list of a drink that could never possibly exist. “Well, I want something fruity, but I don’t want it too sweet, and I don’t want to really taste the alcohol, but I want it to be strong because I’m only gonna have, like, one. Or maybe two.” You might as well ask me to serve that drink in the Holy Grail and have it personally delivered by Brad Pitt. Because that’d be easier than making your fantasyland cocktail. What do you like to drink? Just tell me. I’ll make it. As long as the ingredients don’t involve pixie dust or the breath of an angel.
  • “The Ultra-Demanding Dolt Who Doesn’t Truly Understand The System” – If you are finicky, that’s perfectly fine. That’s what I’m there for. If you want what you want the way you want, I’m on board. I’m the same way. However, if you make me shuck and jive, groove and dance, run around like a hopped-up chimpanzee, hey, it’s cool. I’m in the service industry and that’s exactly what I’m there for. But if you run up a tab of, say, $320 and you leave me a $30 tip, I’ll deal with it. Life will go on. BUT, the next time you come and sit at my bar, prepare to be placed at the very bottom of my priority level, somewhere between making sure my floor is clean and checking my cell for text messages. Tip well, and you’re gonna get treated well.
QUOTATION

The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes. Thomas Hardy

TUNE

In Philadelphia, there’s not a much greater place to watch a band you love than Johnny Brenda’s. Here’s a video of Rogue Wave‘s “Kicking The Heart Out.” I was at the show. My friend Danielle and I were busy getting hammered at the bar. But still, I was there.

GALLIMAUFRY

→ The video of Will Ferrell and a bunch of other celebrities imploring the American people to help out this country’s health insurance execs was yesterday’s big internet draw. Regardless of you position on the issue, this is some pretty funny stuff. I love Thomas Lennon‘s remark at the very end.

→ Apparently, 60% of Americans are now living paycheck to paycheck. Welcome to my world, people. Glad to have you aboard.

→ Dude, are you fucking kidding me? GLENN BECK DAY? Mt. Vernon, you suck.

Advertisements

04.21.09 – Tuesday

Word: wheedle [hweed-l, weed-l] v. 1. to endeavour to influence (a person) by smooth, flattering or beguiling words or acts: We wheedled him incessantly, but he would not consent. 2. to persuade (a person) by such words or acts: She wheedles him into going with her. 3. to obtain (something) by artful persuasions: I wheedled a new car out of my father. 4. to use artful or beguiling persuasions: I always wheedle if I really need something.

Birthday: Charlotte Brontë (1816), Marcel Camus (1912), Anthony Quinn (1915), Charles Grodin (1935), Iggy Pop (1947), Tony Danza (1951), Andie MacDowell (1958), Robert Smith (1959), Michael Franti (1966), Rob Riggle (1970), Nicole Sullivan (1970), Vincent Lecavalier (1980), Tony Romo (1980)

Occurence: 1982Milwaukee BrewersRollie Fingers becomes the first pitcher ever to record 300 saves.

Standpoint: For years, it’s been a mystery. Why wouldn’t MTV release the complete series DVD of “The State?” Well, apparently, the wait is over. July 14th will be the day. I thought this would be a good opportunity to give those of you unfamiliar a few examples of why “The State” was so very very good. You’ll probably recognize most of the cast (Kevin Allison, Michael Ian Black, Robert Ben Garant, Todd Holoubek, Michael Patrick Jann, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Thomas Lennon, Joe Lo Truglio and Ken Marino) from countless movies and television shows. Here are some of the best sketches by The State.

I could’ve listed about 30 more but I think this will suffice.

Special thanks to Tim Mulvey for sending along the original link.

Quotation: Always do sober what’d you do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemingway

Tune: Ever see a beautiful girl and want to get to know her and then remember you have a girlfriend? Wheat wrote a song about it – “I Met a Girl.”

Gallimaufry: Being kinda new to Twitter, I gotta tell you, I’m fascinated. But there is a weird side to it. Here’s some of Meghan McCain’s experiences with Karl Rove on the social networking site…Rafiq Qureshi, father of Slumdog Millionaire childstar Rubina Ali, has allegedly been trying to sell his daugher. Qureshi disputes the allegations…What recession? The Coachella music festival, featuring the likes of Paul McCartney and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, was packed over the weekend.

Incoming: Tomorrow – Everyone else is doing it, so why can’t I? I’ll pop off about Twitter…Thursday – More Annoying Sayings & Misused WordsFriday3 Things To Do In Philly When You’re Dead and much much more.