03.10.11 – a thursday

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word

fanfaronade [fan-fer-uhneyd] n. bragging; bravado; bluster

birthday

Edward Baker Lincoln (1846), Bix Beiderbecke (1903), James Earl Ray (1928), Chuck Norris (1940), Osama bin Laden (1957), Jim White (1957), Sharon Stone (1958), Jeff Ament (1963), Rick Rubin (1963), Edie Brickell (1966), Jon Hamm (1971), Timbaland (1971), Eva Herzigova (1973), Carrie Underwood (1983)

standpoint

All right, it’s time for another installment of THE WISHING WELL. Let’s get to it.

I WISH more people would look on the bright side of things. (Even though that’s not always my thing, either.) A short while ago, everyone was walking around bitching about the lack of jobs. Now there’s some more jobs and everyone’s bitching about the quality of jobs out there. If we’ve resigned ourselves to whining about every damn thing, let’s just come out and do it.

I WISH I was able to get this blog done every day like I used to but, simply put, life’s more complicated than it used to be and I suspect it always will be, maybe more so. But I hope I’m wrong about that.

I WISH The Strokes getting back together was something I could get excited about but, so far, my heartbeat’s stayed regular on the whole matter.

I WISH Professor Awesome’s Drinkatorium was an actual place. There’s only two or three of you who’ll know what I mean by that.

I WISH someone would just come over to my house once a week to clean and organize my wardrobe. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

quotation

Giving up a lot isn’t really that hard when you realize that you get more than you give up. ↔ John Goodman

tune

I had some old Don DiLego tracks on my old iPod and, it’s true, I dug them. Someone sent me one of his newer songs the other day, “Falling Into Space,” and guess what? I’m digging on this one, too.

gallimaufry

Let’s let this dude have his day all ready. He’s earned it.

This Catholic priest sex offender list is growing to pretty outrageous proportions. Hey, Vatican, think it might be time to look at those celibacy and non-marriage policies for your clergymen? Doesn’t seem to be working out that well.

Charlie Sheen is breaking every Twitter record imaginable. And we’ve got to have set some record for largest enabling collective in the history of the world.

02.23.11 – a wednesday

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word

esoteric [es-uhter-ik] adj. 1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions 2. belonging to the select few 3. private; secret; confidential 4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras

birthday

W. E. B. Du Bois (1868), Peter Fonda (1940), Patricia Richardson (1951), Howard Jones (1955), Kristin Davis (1965), Emily Blunt (1983), Aziz Ansari (1983), Dakota Fanning (1994)

standpoint

Since I started this blog, one of my favorite features to write has been The Wishing Well. It’s been a while since the last one, so let’s get to it.

I WISH every time I played Angry Birds I wasn’t reminded of “The Game,” an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in which the entire crew becomes addicted to a very simple, handheld computer simulation. Once again, the creative folks behind the Star Trek franchise reveal their prognostic talents.

I WISH that when I do actually ignore my better judgement and pay attention to the news, it didn’t make me feel that this planet and the human race are headed toward becoming the universe’s greatest punchline. (I don’t have a link for this entry. There’s just too many to choose from.)

I WISH there was a law that made it legal for people like Tania Head to get pushed down a flight of stairs three times a day. If you think that’s a harsh statement, read this article and tell me you don’t agree.

I WISH I could watch one more Flyers game with my best friend Harv, followed by a beer or two at Dawson Street Pub. (For those of you who don’t know, Harvey died this past November. Sorry to bring the room down but it’s my list, after all, so deal.)

I WISH and I’m counting on all of you to come here tomorrow and read my thoughts on modern-day parenthood, easily the most requested topic among the emails. Come back tomorrow for some more. Thanks for reading.

quotation

It is not worth an intelligent man’s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are all ready enough people to do that. ↔ G. H. Hardy

tune

If Mumford & Sons has failed to gain your notice as of yet, you need reevaluate your music listening protocols. Here’s “The Cave.” After you’re done, go listen to the rest of their catalog.

gallimaufry

So apparently one of the little girls from the album cover of Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream is the band’s new bassist. And, get this, she didn’t share that little nugget with her new bandmates until after she was brought on. Truly, the world has gone mad.

→ For all of you who bitch and moan about how you wish you’d never joined a social networking site because you’re just “so over it,” and it’s “beneath” you, here’s instructions on how to delete yourself from some of the more popular ones. Happy trails on your noble path.

→ I wish this email from former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was a fabrication but it’s real. So so so sad.

03.19.10 – A Friday

word

tome [tohm] n. 1. a book, esp. a very heavy, large, or learned book 2. a volume forming a part of a larger work

birthday

William Bradford (1890), Wyatt Earp (1848), William Jennings Bryan (1860), Earl Warren (1891), Moms Mabley (1894), Irving Wallace (1916), Richie Ashburn (1927), Phillip Roth (1933), Ursula Andress (1936), Sirhan Sirhan (1944), Glenn Close (1947), Harvey Weinstein (1952), Bruce Willis (1955), Andy Reid (1958)

standpoint

Drums, please. Once again, it’s time for another installment of the Wishing Well, a weekly post detailing wrongs I wanted to see righted in this decaying world of ours.

I WISH everyone would stop with the, “I told you so’s,” about Philadelphia 76ers guard Allen Iverson. Like many of us, the fellow has his share of problems. Why is it that when people like A.I. start facing his their demons, most of us feel the need to point out how right we were all along? Cut the dude some slack, for crying out loud. Compassion is truly dead.

I WISH we’d all just agree to the fact that FOX News, like most other news channels, is a bunch of right-wing nonsense. Why are we still having this debate? Are people really that stupid? Don’t answer that. I’m all ready down on people to know the answer.

I WISH I’d never seen the footage of former Olympic skier Bill Johnson‘s crash on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. It made me so uneasy, I won’t even post it here.

I WISH I never read another “helpful” piece, or hear anyone complain, about how we are losing our privacy online. Seriously, folks, let’s get stop trying to figure out what’s wrong with the internet and start a nationwide search for our common sense.

I WISH I was at this year’s SXSW. Next year, I’ll be there. Try to stop me suckas!

What about you, people? What are you wishing for?

quotation

Paranoids are not paranoid because they’re paranoid, but because they keep putting themselves, fucking idiots, deliberately into paranoid situations.Thomas Pynchon

tune

One of the best kept secrets of the Philadelphia music scene, although he shouldn’t be because he’s that damn good, is Ben Arnold. He’s been playing around here for two decades now and, if you ever have the opportunity, you should definitely check out one of his live shows. Here’s “So Low.”

gallimaufry

I’ve never met Lerato Nomvuyo Mzamane but, for this alone, I love the woman. Let’s all hope she puts Oprah in her proper place.

→ When I read garbage like this, I’m absolutely certain, sooner or later, no one will be allowed to do anything at all. Ever.

→ Holy shit. When I grow up, I want to be exactly like this guy.

→ For the record, I’ll have nothing to say about college basketball, which is currently experiencing an episode of “madness,” due to an overall dearth of fondness for the proceedings.

03.05.10 – A Friday

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word

cache [kash] n. 1. a hiding place, esp. one in the ground, for ammunition, food, treasures, etc.: She hid her jewelry in a little cache in the cellar 2. anything so hidden: The enemy never found our cache of food 3. Alaska and Northern Canada. a small shed elevated on poles above the reach of animals and used for storing food, equipment, etc

birthday

Howard Pyle (1853), Rex Harrison (1908), Dean Stockwell (1936), Paul Evans (1938), Fred Williamson (1938), Marsha Warfield (1954), Penn Jilette (1955), Teena Marie (1956), Andy Gibb (1958), Charles and Craig Reid (1962), Joel Osteen (1963), Michael Irvin (1966), MC Solaar (1969), John Frusciante (1970), Kevin Connolly (1974), Eva Mendes (1974), Niki Taylor (1975)

standpoint

Time for a very special Friday edition of The Wishing Well, the weekly installment where I wish for things that’ll most likely never happen. Let’s begin.

I WISH Hollywood wasn’t completely dragging its heels. I mean, what is all this Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus crap all about. You what, though? People are going to go see this gigantic piece of garbage. That’s sadder than any movie.

I WISH the human race had developed more styles of driving. As far as I can tell, we have two. The first one is a balls-out aggressive approach that seems to put a concern for human life lower on the list of what’s important than, say, getting to a tennis lesson on time. The second one is a cautious defensive approach that seems to get some thinking going 35 mph on a major fucking highway is somehow safe.

I WISH I could piss all over how everyone in Philadelphia is so damn excited about the Philadelphia Phillies’ upcoming season. But I can’t. Truth be told, I’m sort of excited myself.

I WISH I could tell you truthfully that my third attempt at reading David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest was a glowing success. But that’s be a lie, people. That book is just too freaking long and dense. Sorry, Mr. Wallace, maybe the fourth time will be a charm?

I WISH someone out there could tell me what the entertainment draw might have been in watching the NFL Scouting Combine. A bunch of dudes I’ve never heard of running sprints on some field somewhere isn’t exactly my idea of riveting television. But, hey, what do I know?

That’s it for me this week. How about you? What are you wishing for right about now?

quotation

Small miseries, like small debts, hit us in so many places, and meet us at so many turns and corners, that what they want in weight, they make up in number, and render it less hazardous to stand the fire of one cannon ball, than a volley composed of such a shower of bullets.Rudyard Kipling

tune

So far, Permalight, the new album by Rogue Wave, has not disappointed me. I’m really liking it a great deal. The opening track is downright decent. Check out “Solitary Gun.”

gallimaufry

This has happened to me many many times. I’m sure you’ve gone through something just like it. Unless you were one of those people who always insists on sleeping in a bed. If you are one of those annoying individuals, maybe the article isn’t for you.

I liked it when people called each other “ock.” It sucks that didn’t stick. Just sounded kind of cool.

→ I know I dropped the ball with the Standpoint section this week, people. Lots going on and I just kind of wasn’t in the mood. That’ll change next week. Come back Monday for some more.

02.24.10 – A Wednesday

word

incursion [in-kur-zhuhn, -shuhn] n. 1. a hostile entrance into or invasion of a place or territory, esp. a sudden one; raid: The bandits made brief incursions on the village 2. a harmful inroad 3. a running in: the incursion of sea water

birthday

Wilhelm Grimm (1786), Honus Wagner (1874), Abe Vigoda (1921), Dominic  Chianese (1931), James Farentino (1938), Joe Lieberman (1942), Barry Bostwick (1945), Edward James Olmos (1947), George Thorogood (1950), Debra Jo Rupp (1951), Helen Shaver (1951), Steve Jobs (1955), Sammy Kershaw (1958), Mark Moses (1958), Michelle Shocked (1962), Teri Weigel (1962), Bill Bailey (1964), Billy Zane (1966), Mitch Hedberg (1968), Bonnie Somerville (1974)

standpoint

It’s the post you’ve been patiently biding your time for all week. Let’s dive into The Wishing Well, a weekly segment where I make five (5) wishes for things that’ll probably never come to fruition.

I WISH everyone would stop using made-up words involving this winter’s rash of snowstorms. Snowtographs? Snowicane? How about all these weather people take off their creative hats and just stick to the facts? Really, it’s all more than a little embarrassing. So quit it.

I WISH every cop drama each had a Det. Jimmy McNulty and Omar Little. Respectively played by Dominic West and Michael K. Williams on the now defunct HBO series The Wire, these characters are accurate portrayals of the way most of us really are, opting to either do the right thing or the wrong thing as dictated by what the circumstances the situation calls for.

I WISH Philadelphia Eagles WR DeSean Jackson didn’t come off like such a thug with his tweets. “On my cali shit that’s why the world of tweet ain’t heard from me…. y’all stay tunned tho got major shit craccn betta believe dat…”  Come on, man, at least make an effort, for crying out loud. And what’s with all the references to “Jerkin’?”

I WISH more of you actually gave a crap about how monumental a victory it was when Team USA beat Team Canada in Men’s Ice Hockey this past Sunday night. Only because I want to talk about it more and I’m pretty sure that, even though she’s a big hockey fan, my girlfriend is growing weary of me yapping about it.

I WISH it was readily apparent why in the world Tiger Woods felt the need to apologize to us about cheating on his wife. Dude, I feel bad for your wife and kids. What you did to them was wrong and you should make some massive atonement. But, truly, the rest of us aren’t losing any sleep over it. Play golf, or don’t. Be faithful to your wife, or don’t be. Believe it or not, whatever you decide, we’ll go on with our lives. Just stay the fuck away from our women, you sex crazed maniac.

That’s it for this week’s installment. How about you? You wishing for anything right now?

quotation

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why.Mignon McLaughlin

tune

I’ve always told anyone who’d listen that, despite what you might think of the band Toto, you’re obviously some kind of soulless bastard if you don’t like, even a little bit, the song “Africa.” The other night I stumbled upon this amazing a capella version of it. You have got to see it. I really dig how they use their hands to simulate the storm sounds.

gallimaufry

I was going to wait until closer to fantasy football season to post this, but it’s just too good. Every word of this made me realize how much I hate fantasy football drafts.

→ As I’m sure you are, I’m counting down the days until the release of Permalight, the new album from my favorite band, Rogue Wave. If you need a fix until then, check this out. March 2nd can’t come soon enough.

→ All I’m going to say about this is if this kid didn’t kill these cats, they need to find the sicko that did and lock him up for a few decades.

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02.01.10 – A Monday

WORD

mountebank [moun-tuh-bangk] n. 1. a person who sells quack medicines, as from a platform in public places, attracting and influencing an audience by tricks, storytelling, etc 2. any charlatan or quack v. 3. to act or operate as a mountebank

BIRTHDAY

Conn Smythe (1895), Clark Gable (1901), Langston Hughes (1902), Boris Yeltsin (1931), Don Everly (1937), Garrett Morris (1937), Sherman Hemsley (1938), Terry Jones (1942), Rick James (1948), Sonny Landreth (1951), Brandon Lee (1965), Sherilyn Fenn (1965), Princess Stephanie of Monaco (1965), Lisa Marie Presley (1968), Pauly Shore (1968), Joshua Redman (1969), Michael C. Hall (1971), Phil Ivey (1976)

STANDPOINT

Time for another installment of The Wishing Well, a place for me to close my eyes and wish for things that will never come to fruition.

I WISH The Grammy Awards weren’t utter fucking bullshit. It’s a bunch of celebrities posing as musicians, receiving praise for their involvement with  songs that are eagerly consumed by a society content with the notion that being spoonfed soulless, unimaginative garbage is actually something worthy of dedicating millions of dollars and, worse, a perfectly good Sunday night.

I WISH I was ignorant to the fact President Obama’s proposed budget going to Congress was for $3.8 trillion. Anyone else wish there was some gigantic magical RESET button? Let’s start over and, hey, this time around, let’s try using our brains.

I WISH my fantasy hockey team somehow reflected how much I know about the sport. But, so far this year, it’s not happening.

I WISH, as a bartender observing many first dates, I could smack some sense into some of the men who do and/or say things practically guaranteeing a long drive home accompanied only by the raging questions in their head about what exactly went wrong.

I WISH all you reading this will help me out and follow my place of employment, the Parc Bistro in Skippack PA, on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks.

QUOTATION

The manner in which Americans ”consume” music has a lot to do with leaving it on their coffee tables, or using it as wallpaper for their lifestyles, like the score of a movie –it’s consumed that way without any regard for how and why it’s made.Frank Zappa

TUNE

Yes, I totally understand I’m breaking from the norm here. But I am fond of “Nobody Knows Me” by Lyle Lovett. Sue me.

GALLIMAUFRY

I’m ditching this section today. Thanks for reading. Come back tomorrow for some more.

01.22.10 – A Friday

WORD

perfunctory [per-fuhngk-tuh-ree] adj. 1. performed merely as a routine duty; hasty and superficial: perfunctory courtesy 2. lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic: In his lectures he reveals himself to be merely a perfunctory speaker

BIRTHDAY

Francis Bacon (1561), Grigori Rasputin (1869), Sam Cooke (1931), Piper Laurie (1932), Bill Bixby (1934), Seymour Cassel (1935), John Hurt (1940), Steve Perry (1949), Jim Jarmusch (1953), Linda Blair (1959), Michael Hutchence (1960), Daniel Johnston (1961), DJ Jazzy Jeff (1965), Diane Lane (1965), Olivia d’Abo (1969), Balthazar Getty (1975)

STANDPOINT

On my first blog, I used to a regular post called The Wishing Well. Basically, I would state five wishes, about any topic I wished. I enjoyed doing The Wishing Well. And so, I’m reviving it here. Enjoy.

I WISH I knew why the top search engine term driving traffic to this blog was “Marilu Henner.” The redheaded actress, probably best known for her work on the (awesome) sitcom Taxi and the (equally awesome) film Johnny Dangerously, has contributed 277 hits to this blog. I mentioned her one time in the “Birthday” section. Either Henner is much more popular that I thought, or someone out there likes her waaaaay too much.

I WISH I could tell you many white people, during this past holiday season, came into my bar and wished me a “Happy Kwanzaa.” Probably almost a hundred, each more annoying and tasteless than the next.

I WISH for NBA officials to seriously reexamine the league’s All Star Game selection process. I like Allen Iverson but how in the world is the guy starting? He has no reason to even be on the team. But then again, what the hell do I care about the NBA?

I WISH the rumor about Jersey Shore coming to Sea Isle City for its second season was actually true. As small as that town is, the congestion generated from all the douchebags overrunning it would make for some interesting story lines. Plus, it would be fun to watch how many more fights the cast members would get into with the Sea Isle population. I’d give the guys on that show a 35% percent chance of making it through the entire summer.

I WISH Tiger Woods all the best while getting treatment for “sexual addiction.” No I don’t. What a bunch of horseshit. Q: How many famous guys with money are out there doing exactly what Tiger was doing? A: Most all of them.

QUOTATION

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don’t know how anybody’s getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained. Bob Saget

TUNE

A while back, I was told to download “Penn Station” by The Felice Brothers. The other night, I finally did just that. I immediately wished I’d done it much sooner. Thanks, Brendan.

GALLIMAUFRY

My buddy (and biggest fan) Joe Taylor sent me this awesome John Hughes montage from YouTube yesterday. Check it out.

→ Beer snobs around the world are fretting right now. It seems Belgium might be running out of beer.

→ Holy Shit. Those were the only words that came to mind after reading this article about some dipshit who’s forming an all-white basketball league in Georgia. Christ.