December 5th, 2011

Before I get started today, I wanted to take some time to thank everyone who came out to The Field House last Wednesday night for the happy hour in support of the Harvey Forsyth Memorial Fund. It was an amazing turnout and it was great to reacquaint with so many old friends (you who you are) who I hadn’t seen in years and years. For those of you who weren’t able to make it, don’t fret, there will be plenty more opportunities as the event wasn’t a one-shot deal.

Also, I wanted to thank everyone for all of the fantastic comments, through Facebook and text messages and emails and in person, about my post about Harv last Wednesday. It was a truly humbling experience. I really appreciate it.

word

bobbery [bobuh-ree] n. a disturbance; brawl

birthday

Martin Van Buren (1782), Walt Disney (1901), Strom Thurmond (1902), Dr. Dre (1963), Margaret Cho (1968)

standpoint

I usually steer clear of pontificating about the NFL on here for two reasons: (1) I don’t generally give a shit about the NFL and (2) No one seems to really give a shit about my opinion when it comes to the NFL.

But today I’m gonna do it anyway because I’ve become increasingly interested in the unlikely rise of Denver Broncos’ quarterback Tim Tebow, the guy who was supposed to suck as a quarterback in the NFL, despite being a Heisman Trophy winner and winning a national championship at the collegiate level.

For those of you who might’ve been recently rescued after becoming stranded in a mountainous region when your plane went down and are just now just catching up on everything you’ve missed in the past couple of months, here’s a quick recap on Tim Tebow’s so far:

1. Although Denver fans are clamoring for him to be the starter, Tim Tebow begins the NFL season as the number 3 quarterback on the Broncos’ depth chart.

2. The Broncos get off to a 1-4 start, prompting head coach John Fox to succumb to the pressure. He tags Tebow as his new starting quarterback.

3. Instead of floundering, as most experts predict he will, Tebow goes 6-1 as a starter and puts the Broncos in the improbable position of playoff hopefuls.

All right, so that’s what’s happened so far in a nutshell.

And it’s not the most important thing going on in the world but it is pretty interesting simply because everyone in the know when it comes to the NFL seems to be gleefully anticipating the day when Tebow falls flat on his face. And that’s most likely because they’re befuddled by how the dude just keeps winning games, week after week.

Predictability is the most appealing facet of the NFL. Sure, upsets occasionally happen but, for the most part, the outcome is sort of predetermined. That’s why NFL commentators have the best job in the world. They spend all week telling fans what team is going to win and what team is going to lose and the reasons why. And when they’re right, they proclaim their genius in an I-told-you-so tone. And when they’re wrong, they cite it as the very reason they love the game, praising the parity of the league, “any given Sunday” and all of that.

But Tebow confuses them. For all intents and purposes, he’s not supposed to be successful as an NFL quarterback. He’s not a gifted passer in a game that’s mostly all passing. He’s not a conventional player, a wildcard. He’s overly religious and too nice a guy. He’s not supported by his coach or the most important guy in Denver, John Elway.

In essence, Tebow’s been told, “Listen, buddy, we’ve explored all of the options and, really, if there was any other choice we’d be going with that but there’s none forthcoming so just get in there and try not to make us the laughing stock of the league.”

And Tebow probably doesn’t curse but if he did, he’s mostly likely saying something like, “Hey, fuckers, how do you like me now?”

quotation

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they’re in the game. ↔ Paul Rodriguez

tune

Yet another unearthed song from my broken down, antique iPod that only works when it I plug into my laptop. Here’s “Teenagers Talking” by Sunny Day Sets Fire.

gallimaufry

→ If you’re ever in Philadelphia and you’re wondering to yourself what restaurant serves the best burger, follow these intructions: (1) Get your ass to 19th and Lombard where you’ll find The Pub and Kitchen. (2) Enter the building. (3) Order the Churchill Burger. (4) After it’s placed in front of you, eat the Churchill Burger. (5) Spend the next week telling everyone about it. (Like I’ve been doing.)

Don’t ask these people where they’re effin from. It’s kind of a sore subject.

Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign due to his murky grasp on fidelity and how it pertains to marriage. Yeah, the douchebag had a pretty slim shot at the presidency but I’m gonna miss his chutzpah.

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07.15.09 – Wednesday

Word: strident [strahyd-nt] adj. 1. making or having a harsh sound; grating; creaking: strident insects; strident hinges 2. having a shrill, irritating quality or character: a strident tone in his writings 3. Linguistics. (in distinctive feature analysis) characterized acoustically by noise of relatively high intensity, as sibilants, labiodental and uvular fricatives, and most affricates

Birthday: Ewostatewos (1273), Rembrandt van Rijn (1606), Lloyd “Cowboy” Copas (1913), Clive Cussler (1931), Alex Karras (1935), Barry Goldwater Jr. (1938), Millie Jackson (1944), Jan-Michael Vincent (1944), Linda Ronstadt (1946), Arianna Huffington (1950), Jesse “The Body” Ventura (1951), Johnny Thunders (1952), Ian Curtis (1956), Barry Melrose (1956), Marky Ramone (1956), Joe Satriani (1956), Kim Alexis (1960), Willie Aames (1960), Lolita Davidovich (1961), Forest Whitaker (1961), Brigitte Nielsen (1963), Jason Bonham (1966), Eddie Griffin (1968), Dave Foley (1972), Beth Ostrosky (1972), Brian Austin Green (1973)

Quotation: Impartial observers from other planets would consider ours an utterly bizarre enclave if it were populated by birds, defined as flying animals, that nevertheless rarely or never actually flew.  They would also be perplexed if they encountered in our seas, lakes, rivers, and ponds, creatures defined as swimmers that never did any swimming.  But they would be even more surprised to encounter a species defined as a thinking animal if, in fact, the creature very rarely indulged in actual thinking.Steve Allen

Tune: “It’s a genuine stand-alone quirk-pop gem, all parping brass and chintzy keyboard riffs with singalong vocals.” Those are the words of Topher Healy of Rave magazine, referring to “Brainless” by Sunny Day Sets Fire. Once again, a song I was legitimately surprised to find had a very high play count on my iPod. Not because it’s not good – just the opposite – but I had no idea I’d listened to it so much.

Gallimaufry: I love animals but, uh, this is just a bit outlandish in my opinion. Yesterday marked the maiden filght of Pet Airways, an animals-only airline developed by Alysa Binder and Dan Wiesel, a husband and wife who’d become dissatisfied with their Jack Russell terrier’s flying adventures. As of right now, the airline is only offering flights between five major cities – New York, Washington, Chicago, Denver and Los Angles – but they’re all booked solid for the next two months, apparently. Each ticket is around $250, and passengers will be provided a pre-flight bathroom break and checked on every 15 minutes. Basically, if you don’t want your pet to travel in the cargo hold, you can pony up a little more dough (roughly an additional $100 – $200, depending on which airline you’ll be flying), and make sure Fido, most likely, has a more comfortable flying experience than you, yourself, will. Christ. Is the recession over? Did anyone else think it odd that FOX had such a cockeyed angle of President Obama’s first pitch at last night’s 2009 MLB All-Star Game? Even stranger, FOX went immediately to a commercial break and didn’t even air the pitch until a few minutes later, when Obama had joined the team in the broadcasting booth. Turns out, our President isn’t much of a pitcher. After an awkwardly executed toss, the ball just barely made it into the glove of St. Louis Cardinal‘s superstar Albert Pujols, who had already moved up in an attempt to make sure Obama didn’t embarrass himself. “I did not play organized baseball when I was a kid and so, you know, I think some of these natural moves aren’t so natural to me,” said our nation’s leader. It wasn’t the best looking first-pitch of all-time, but, besides a lack of a distance and the fact that he looked like he’d never thrown a ball before, I’d say he got the job done quite nicely. Plus, what the hell is the difference if he can’t throw a strike? He probably can’t kick a field goal, either. Most likely, those skills will never be needed at his current post. It’s usually a good thing when young people are proud to embrace the traditions of their ancestors. Usually. But not always. Anthony Karen shows us in “LIFE Goes Inside Today’s KKK,” that some dumb bullshit will simply never go away. It’s true. Just when the world needs them the least, the Ku Klux Klan is poised to make a comeback. Fantastic. I was just thinking the other day that we were running short on complete dipshits out there, but I’m pretty sure that we’re all set now. Thanks for showing up, fellas.