November 14, 2011

There will be a happy hour on Wednesday, November 30th at the Field House for The Harvey Forsyth Memorial Fund. More details to follow.

word

pansophy [pan-suh-fee] n. universal wisdom or knowledge

birthday

Claude Monet (1840), Aaron Copland (1900), Joseph McCarthy (1908), Brian Keith (1921), McLean Stevenson (1927), P.J. O’Rourke (1947), Prince Charles (1948), Condoleezza Rice (1954), Yanni (1954), D. B. Sweeney (1961), Laura San Giacomo (1962), Patrick Warburton (1964), Josh Duhamel (1972)

standpoint

I only posted once last week and there was a lot going but none more important than the whole Penn State thing.

Christ. What a fucking mess.

And I’ve got a million thoughts swirling in my head about what’s happened but I’m going to hold back. I’ve got it on good authority there’s lots more details to surface this upcoming week, details that “will sicken the public like never before.” Apparently, Jerry Sandusky is a highly disturbed individual and Penn State used all the powers at its disposal (and still may be) to protect its good name.

quotation

Humor’s a weapon if you want to make it one. ↔ Bob Newhart

tune

What the world needs is more songs like Aloe Blacc‘s “Green Lights.”

gallimaufry

→ Even The Onion couldn’t properly joke about the Penn State scandal.

→ I think Bill Hader might be one of the funniest people on the planet. Seriously, click on this link and watch the skit. I love it when he says, “Oh, this lady…”

→ Ruben Amaro Jr. is doing his best to keep the Phillies viable. Welcome to Philadelphia, Jonathan Papelbon.

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11.10.09 – A Tuesday

WORD

animus [anuh-muhs] n. 1. strong dislike or enmity; hostile attitude; animosity 2. purpose; intention; animating spirit 3. (in the psychology of C. G. Jung) the masculine principle, esp. as present in women

BIRTHDAY

Martin Luther (1483), Winston Churchill (1871), Russell Johnson (1924), Richard Burton (1925), Ennio Morricone (1928), Roy Scheider (1932), Russell Means (1939), Saxby Chambliss (1943), Tim Rice (1944), Sinbad (1956), Linda Cohn (1959), Mackenzie Phillips (1959), Neil Gaiman (1960), Michael Jai White (1967), Tracy Morgan (1968), Warren G. (1970), Brittany Murphy (1977), Eve (1978), Miranda Lambert (1983)

STANDPOINT

While I’m not writing this blog or reading a book or doing something of a social nature or whatever the hell else I feel like, I am a bartender. I like being a bartender. I like serving drinks, talking to people and making them laugh. It’s important to like what you do. For those of you out there who don’t like your chosen occupation, get out while you still can. That’s my advice to you. So there.

In any case, there’s one aspect of bartending that grates on my fucking nerves – listening to people drone on and on about something that matters so little to everyone everywhere and no one yet realizes it.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of pointless nonsense about one subject in particular. You see, I bartend in a little town called Skippack. Down the road a ways is a slightly-larger, but no more important, town named Collegeville, cleverly because of the fact Ursinus College is located within it.

But nowadays, no one’s talking about Ursinus. To be fair, it’s likely they weren’t anyway. Nevertheless, there’s only one thing everyone wants to talk about no matter what: the grand opening of the Wegmans, a supermarket that, apparently, has the ability to capture the collective consciousness of everyone within a 45-minute drive.

It’s all anyone can talk about. So automatically I hate it. In general, I have a problem with anything that no one has a problem with. That’s mainly my problem with almost everything.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want to talk about a place you can go to buy food. (a) I’m not particularly dazzled by recollections of an, until now, never before seen selection of cheese. Also, (b) I’m not entirely impressed by the fact there’s a pub inside a supermarket. In addition, (c) I’m not remotely interested in the largest selection of seafood in the area. (These three things, by the way, are almost always offered as the main reasons one would ever go to Wegmans, although not the only ones.)

Granted, I am a single, 35-year old male (temporarily) living in an area greatly overpopulated with parents and children. For parents, it is a unique opportunity to provide for your family and afford yourself a few drinks while doing it, instead of having to wait to get home, unload the groceries, make dinner and put the kids to bed before opening a bottle of wine, or four, and get your buzz on. I am not ignorant of this fact. As I’ve been more exposed to parents as an adult, I’ve figured out that good parenting is directly proportionate to the amount of weekly alcohol consumption. It wasn’t that way when I was growing up but that’s the way it is now. At least, for the most part. Not saying all you parents out there are getting bombed every night. But a lot of you are. I can’t blame you. If I were a parent, I would probably be within your ranks.

In any case, hearing people swap stories about their first (and second and third) trip to Wegmans is about as depressing a level of converation that can be reached.

I refuse to participate.

So I’m not going. Even it means never talking to anyone again. Or, at least, until I move downtown in January. Then, I’ll have to talk to all the single folks about how fresh everything at Whole Foods seem to be. But, somehow, it doesn’t seem like it’ll suck half as much.

QUOTATION

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.  It works in reverse, too.  When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.P.J. O’Rourke

TUNE

Sometimes, all it takes is a killer line in a song to make listen to it about 93 times – over and over. Such is the case with Mike Doughty‘s tune, “I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress To Keep On Dancing.” It’s a good and quick song that features the line, “I’ll assess the essence of the mess…” Not sure why I like that so much. But I do. And that’s that.

GALLIMAUFRY

→ If you haven’t seen the video footage of University of New Mexico’s women’s soccer player, Elizabeth Lambert, you should. This chick is so completely crazy, I’m surprised I’ve never dated her.

→ Just want to officially thank the Philadelphia Phillies for coming oh-so-very-close to winning back-to-back World Series. I know the whole organization has been waiting for me to weigh in. Once again, I will state Philadelphia is a “baseball town.” I will keep saying that until everyone believes it. Because it’s the truth.

→ In a world gone mad, sometimes I read some news that alleviates all the numbness and actually allows me to feel again. The fact Steven Tyler has officially left Aerosmith was not that kind of news. I’m sure there’s a large group of people out there who care when a middle-aged singer leaves a band that hasn’t contributed anything musically solid in decades. I’m just not a member of that group.  

06.23.09 – Tuesday

Word: auspicious [aw-spishuhs] adj. 1. promising success; propitious; opportune; favorable: an auspicious occasion 2. favored by fortune; prosperous; fortunate

Birthday: Oda Nobunga (1534), Cyclone Taylor (1884), Alfred Kinsey (1894), Milt Hinton (1910), Ted Shackelford (1946), Clarence Thomas (1948), Glenn Danzig (1955), Randy Jackson (1956), Frances McDormand (1957), Colin Montgomerie (1963), Joss Whedon (1964), Slash (1965), Selma Blair (1972), Zinedine Zidane (1972), KT Tunstall (1975), Jason Mraz (1977), Duffy (1984)

Quotation: The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.  It works in reverse, too.  When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.P.J. O’Rourke

Tune: “Chicken Payback” has gotta be one of the most mindless/pointless songs I’ve ever heard. That’s precisely why the song from A Band Of Bees (known as The Bees outside the US) is so very very good. Off the album Free The Bees.

Gallimaufry: Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce. As usual, everyone’s up-in-arms when celebrities make decisions deemed reserved for only us normal, uninteresting folk. People, get over it. The dude cheated on her. If Kate was a friend of yours, you’d tell here to drop Jon like a box of fiery dogshit. But because some of us find their reality television series, Jon & Kate Plus 8, entertaining, all conventional thought is tossed aside. It’s almost like we’d rather see Kate suffer in silence for the noble purpose of the continuation of a television show that boasts the same level of importance as reruns of Hogan’s Heroes. Fear not, chumps, Jon & Kate Plus 8 will continue on. Probably so the Gosselins can afford the divorce proceedings and the mega amounts of therapy their children will inevitably require. This past Sunday in Toronto, Polo Molina punched Mario Lavandeira in the face, leading to assault charges being filed against Molina. You might be thinking, who cares? Well, what if I told you that Polo Molina is the tour manager for the Black Eyed Peas and Mario Lavandeira is the given name of none other than Perez Hilton? What? You still don’t care? Yeah. You and me both. WalletPop.com has made a list of the 25 Most Dangerous Neighborhoods in the US. 16th on the list is the area surrounding the intersection of Broad and Dauphin Sts. right here in Philadelphia. We didn’t even make the top ten. You might think of this as a good thing but, really, if you were any one of the neighborhoods mentioned, what would the actual risk of bodily harm percentage differential be if you were in the 25th on the list as opposed to being in the first? Most likely, it would yield the same result. Basically, all 25 are winners.

Incoming: Listen, I know I’ve been dragging. I’m adjusting to a new job and a new living situation while simultaneously dealing with TWO malfunctioning computers. Once I get back in the groove (shouldn’t be more than a week), I’ll get back to more, including new stories on euneJeune: True Story and more Standpoints on here. I’m not gonna promise because I’m aware I’ve burned many of you before with similar statements. I’m simply stating that I’m gonna try. There may not be a new post tomorrow due to the fact that I’ve got to take both of them (back) to my brother Jer for some TLC.