06.13.11 – a monday

word

cockalorum [kok-uhlawruhm, –lohr-] n. a self-important little man

birthday

William Butler Yeats (1865), Christo (1935), Jeanne-Claude (1935), Malcolm McDowell (1943), Tim Allen (1953), Ally Sheedy (1962), David Gray (1968), Rivers Cuomo (1970), Chris Evans (1981), Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen (1986)

standpoint

By now, if you’ve been following along with this blog the way you know you should, you’ve realized I’m a sucker for trivia. I like facts. That’s why mental floss is like crack cocaine for my brain. Both the magazine and the website. And, as I’ve done in the past, I’m going to share four factoids currently occupying my thoughts. Enjoy.

Vidalia onions can only be grown in certain counties of Georgia. I have nothing witty to say about this.

Wheel of Fortune was the last American game show to offer fur coats as prizes. It took until 1990 for the brains behind the show to realize it was an idea whose time had come.

Cuban citizens are not allowed to move to another dwelling unless they can find someone to swap places with. Even then the government needs to conduct the transaction. Socialism sounds pretty great, right?

→ Despite what you’ve been told, the plow, the wheeled cart and irrigation systems were actually invented by individuals looking to make better beer. Why didn’t those responsible get the proper credit? Most likely it was because they drank a shitload of beer.

quotation

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. ↔ Doug Larson

tune

Gotta give it up to my roommate Dan who turned me on to the latest Cold War Kids‘ album, Mine Is Yours. A few years back, I bought the first album, Robbers & Cowards, and I liked exactly two songs from it. When that happens, I typically give up on a band even though I know it’s wrong to do so. In any case, listen to “Finally Begin.” Solid stuff.

gallimaufry

Grantland.com is finally open for business and I couldn’t be happier.

→ After this unfortunate turn of events, is there anyone out there who can tell us where we stand with all of this rapture nonsense?

→ Some might read this article and think that, hell yes, there’s justice in the world. Others might disagree. But there’s one fact no one can dispute: two teams played basketball last night.

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05.27.11 – a friday

word

dilapidate [dih-lap-i-deyt] v. 1. to cause or allow (a building, vehicle, etc.) to fall into a state of disrepair, as by misuse or neglect (often used passively): the house had been dilapidated by neglect 2. Archaic. to squander; waste. 3. to fall into ruin or decay

birthday

Cornelius Vanderbilt (1794), Wild Bill Hickok (1837), Hubert H. Humphrey (1911), Vincent Price (1911), Sam Snead (1912), Henry Kissinger (1923), Louis Gossett, Jr. (1936), Richard Schiff (1955), Siouxsie Sioux (1957), Neil Finn (1958), Adam Carolla (1964), Todd Bridges (1965), Jack McBrayer (1973), André 3000 (1975)

standpoint

Fanboys. Generally harmless, right? Sure, if a fanboy (I’m using the term “fanboy” throughout here with the complete understanding that not all fanboys are, in fact, boys.) is into a sports team or a particular genre of science fiction, I’ve got no beef. Adulate away, fanboy. Go nuts.

But there’s one realm of entertainment in which there needs to be an agreed upon set of rules and regulations in regard to a fanboy code of conduct. That realm is music concerts, specifically those of the indie-rock persuasion.

At this point, I’m going to address all you fanboys out there directly.

Seriously, what are you trying to prove? We’re all here to enjoy the show and you’re completely ruining it for the 20 or so of us unfortunate enough to experience the show with you.

Now, you might be thinking, “Hey, he’s not talking about me,” and it’s altogether possible I’m not so here’s a checklist you can go through to see if, indeed, I am talking about you.

√ You’re wearing the t-shirt, no matter how obscure, of the headliner i.e. wearing a Bon Iver t-shirt to a Bon Iver show. As Jeremy Piven warned, “Don’t be that guy.”

√ You’re wearing a t-shirt that has nothing to do with the headliner i. e. wearing a Bon Jovi t-shirt to a Bon Iver show. We get it. When we try to walk, we’re slipping from all the irony you’re dropping on the floor.

√ During rare moments of silence, you shout out the name of some random song the band almost never plays. Rivers Cuomo won’t play Pinkerton anymore. Get over it. (At least, he didn’t used to. He might have changed his mind since the last time I paid any attention to Weezer.)

√ You sing your goddamn guts out to every friggin’ song. Worse, you harmonize to it. You’re not on stage and no one’s paying money to hear you belt out your favorite lyrics. I hope the clown I sat next to at The Shins‘ show a few years back reads this and finally feels guilty that I still have no idea what James Mercer sounds like live.

√ You exuberantly high-five or fist-bump at any point during the show. I concede this one’s a bit of a gray area. Depends on the show, I guess. But, unless it has something to do with a hockey game, I’m still not on board with public high-fiving, I realize my opinion might be in the minority but it shouldn’t be.

√ You’ve written an ultimate dream set-list, refer to it constantly during the course of the show and whip yourself into a talkative state of frenzy as you come closer to the realization it’s just not gonna happen.

√ You record any part of the show for more than five seconds. If you attempt to record the whole thing, you should go home and reconsider what you’ve become.

Bottom line, fanboys (and fangirls), we’re all just trying to watch the show we ponied up good dough to see. Your enthusiasm is equal parts understandable and unwelcome. We’re all psyched to be at the concert but the difference between you and the rest of us is that we understand we’re out in public while you either seem to be ignoring or unaware of that fact. Whichever reason it happens to be, it does nothing to diminish how much you suck.

quotation

Today is my father’s 70th birthday. So this is a quote, by me, about Daniel Lejeune, my papa.

Of everyone I’ve met and everyone I’ve known, I’ve yet to encounter someone with a father like mine. 

tune

One of the best band names ever is Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. But it’s not a band at all, just the stage name of Sam Duckworth. Haven’t heard much lately from Mr. Duckworth but a few years ago Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. was a huge buzz band. You’ll have to take my word for that as I’ve nothing to back that statement up. But here’s “Once More With Feeling.” Enjoy.

gallimaufry

They should call this the “Here’s How Bad It’s Gotten Tour.” Please, someone stop this bus. I’m not saying blow it up or anything. But maybe throw some tacks down in front of the tires, sugar in the gas tank or something similar.

→ Man, how pissed off is the entire Cleveland area right now? Sometimes, nightmares can come true.

→ While other media outlets are concerned with trivial matters like world affairs and whatnot, TMZ continues to keep America focused on the important shit. Bono and Maria Shriver had lunch? Two douchebags from Jersey Shore involved in fisticuffs? Lindsay Lohan entertains a visit during the first day of house arrest? You betcha. Why would you frequent any other website?

03.30.11 – a wednesday

word

taradiddle [tar-uhdid-l] n. 1. a small lie; fib 2. pretentious nonsense

birthday

Francisco Goya (1746), Vincent van Gogh (1853), Richard Dysart (1929), Warren Beatty (1937), Eric Clapton (1945), Paul Reiser (1957), Tracy Chapman (1964), Piers Morgan (1965), Celine Dion (1968), Norah Jones (1979)

standpoint

I have been fantasizing about starting a segment called For Christ’s Sake, Let’s Focus, a place where I can elucidate crap society is actually concerned about instead of what it should be. And today, the fantasy becomes a reality. Let’s start.

“Kevin Federline’s Girlfriend Expecting His Fifth Child” – This was on the front page of FoxNews.com. Is this newsworthy? Federline was famous for about nine minutes while he was married to Britney Spears who is herself struggling to remain famous. Big news.

“Cavaliers top LeBron, Heat 102-90” – LeBron upset the whole city of Cleveland by leaving for Miami. This story was one of the most popular last night on every major news website. Hey, Cleveland, the dude is gone. Get your shit together.

“Season 5 of ‘Mad Men’ Is Delayed Until 2012” – Wow. What in the hell is this world coming to? How will we move on? Stop playing God, Matthew Weiner.

“First Celebrity Bounced From ‘Dancing'” – That’s Dancing With The Stars, by the way, and that first celebrity happened to be none other than Mike Catherwood. You read that right. Mike Catherwood. Oh. You don’t know who the hell that is either? Phew. Thought I was out of the loop.

“Sis Throws Kate Middleton’s Bachelorette Party” – I love the first line from this one: “If you were looking for an invitation to Kate Middleton’s bachelorette party, too late – you’ve all ready missed it.” Even I’m at a loss for words with this one. So so so sad.

That’s it for now. I’m too annoyed to go on. Civilization is headed down the wrong road.

quotation

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do. ↔ Lenny Bruce

tune

I make no secret of how I tend to gravitate toward fantastic lyrics like the ones featured in “Back In the Saddle” by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. Listen closely. You might learn a little something, people.

gallimaufry

Philadelphia, can we please just resolve this issue? One way or the other, let’s just go with it all ready.

Breaking news: Facebook not a good idea for teens. No way.

Unfortunately, I think these folks may be right. Stupid experts.