06.15.11 – a wednesday


betide [bih-tahyd] v. 1. to happen to; come to; befall: Woe betide the villain! 2. to happen; come to pass: Whatever betides, maintain your courage


Sam Giancana (1908), Mario Cuomo (1932), Waylon Jennings (1937), Harry Nilsson (1941), Simon Callow (1949), Jim Varney (1949), James Belushi (1954), Julie Hagerty (1955), Helen Hunt (1963), Courteney Cox (1964), Ice Cube (1969), Leah Remini (1970), Neil Patrick Harris (1973)


Let’s face it, there’s only so many reruns one can watch before looking elsewhere for entertainment. Two nights ago, I was ready to watch Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals but lost interest midway through the first period when it became clear only one team, the Boston Bruins, came to play.

So I turned on the CNN Republican Debate and I actually learned a few things. First, apparently people participating in debates don’t actually have to answer the question posed to them. Instead, they answer some imaginary question they would’ve have preferred to be asked. Second, Republicans, at least the seven gathered on that stage in New Hampshire, absolutely fucking hate Barack Obama. If you went by what they were saying, he can barely go to the bathroom by himself. Third, all the candidates love to make babies. Also, they love to brag about it. Fourth and last thing I learned is that everyone of them despises homosexuals.

Granted, I’m no political analyst. Normally, I steer clear of the whole arena because political arguments are, to me at least, exercises in futility usually won by simpletons with tunnel vision and booming voices. “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” Plato wrote that.

But I am going to weigh in on the good folks who took the stage for last night’s “debate” which in the end turned out to be more of a meet-and-greet with the American public. Here are the unique impressions each one left on me.

Rick Santorum – This dude is pretty much my worst nightmare to be stuck in a room with. The only thing this clown loves more than God is himself.

Michele Bachmann – From everything I’d heard about this woman, I was expecting her to say plenty of inane crap. But she didn’t. She’s either extremely coachable or not as dumb as everyone thinks.

Newt Gingrich – Don’t take this hombre lightly. His campaign may appear as if it’s run by high school stoners but he’s got words at his disposal. They’re the words of a douche but still.

Mitt Romney – I gather that he is the front runner. He sure acted like it. He didn’t have much to say but, damn, he sure looked presidential. Really great head of hair.

Ron Paul – I’d like to have a couple of drinks with this dude. So off-the-wall, he’s harmless but interesting. Reminded me of Elmer Fudd if he’d solved the speech problem and became intensely religious and political.

Tim Pawlenty – This guy showed everyone he can back down from a statement he made just 24 hours earlier with the best of them. A true politician.

Herman Cain – CEO of Godfather’s Pizza? Never heard of it. But if this guy is running for president, how insanely tasty must that pizza be? The only other time I’ve heard of him was when he was ranting about Obama being from Kenya. I definitely want to try that pizza.

All in all, the debate was modern day media at its finest with one enormous grapefruit being lobbed after the other. Bottom line? I understand the economy is in disarray but I can’t get behind anyone who blathers on and on about outmoded religious morays while simultaneously displaying such disdain for individuals who don’t fit into their accepted ideals of normalcy. I can’t advocate prosperity built on meaningless hatred. If that makes me unworldly or foolish or wide-eyed, I can live with that.


There’s an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain’t looking ↔ Leslie Nielsen


It’s taken me a little bit of time to get around to listen to TV On The Radio‘s latest album, Nine Types of Light. (Once again recommended to me by my roommate Dan.) I like the first song on the album which is cleverly called “Second Song.”


I found slicingupeyeballs.com by accident and I still haven’t gone through it but the Pixies‘ lyrical reference is enough for me to take it seriously.

→ I support John Kasich’s move here. It seems the governor of Ohio’s got a sense of humor.

Am I supposed to feel bad for this guy? Come on.

02.11.11 – a friday

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daedal [deed-l] n. 1. skillful; ingenious 2. cleverly intricate 3. diversified


Thomas Alva Edison (1847), Max Baer (1909), Sidney Sheldon (1917), Eva Gabor (1919), Lloyd Bentsen (1921), Leslie Nielsen (1926), Manuel Noriega (1934), Gene Vincent (1935), Burt Reynolds (1936), Sergio Mendes (1941), Jeb Bush (1953), Sheryl Crow (1962), Sarah Palin (1964), Ken Shamrock (1964), Jennifer Aniston (1969), Kelly Slater (1972), D’Angelo (1974), Brandy (1979)


I know today I was supposed to continue my homage to my best friend Harvey who passed away this past November but I’m not sure I’m ready just yet. To those of you who are looking forward to it, I promise I’ll deliver sooner than later.

Instead, today I’d like to discuss zombies.

Let’s face it, zombies are slowly (they don’t do anything quick) pushing vampires off the center stage of the cultural mindset.

The zombie apocalypse has a stranglehold on most all of the entertainment mediums. Literature (Cell, The Rising), movies (28 Days Later, Zombieland), television (The Walking Dead) and gaming (Resident Evil, Zombie Panic In Wonderland) are all churning out zombie-related projects at a fantastic clip.

And we’re eating it up with both hands.

But why?

Well, first, the notion of a zombie apocalypse is one supported by certain folks out there who postulate it’s something that could actually transpire. The underlying hypothesis, in simple terms, is that a neurological disease could become transmissible and spread like wildfire through the population. Basically, we could all end up with a virus that would degenerate our minds that would effectively make us zombie-like. So, unlike vampires or werewolves for example, there’s some actual scientific evidence to suggest a zombie apocalypse is possible, and some even think inevitable. And nothing really captivates the modern mind as much as the destruction of the human race can.

Which brings me to the reason I think the zombie craze really appeals to most everyone with red blood running through their veins: the majority of us figure we’ll be among the survivors. And that’s because the most appealing facet of a zombie apocalypse is they’re so damn easy to kill. All you need is an SUV with a full tank of gas, a powerful assault weapon with unlimited ammo and an IQ above 100 and, really, how hard could it really be? If Jesse Eisenberg can do it, pretty much everyone can, right?

But I don’t find zombies to be truly vexing. If the zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll do my best to steer clear of them. No, what truly concerns me is that, as a society, we’ve become fascinated with facing a foe no more dangerous than those damn pigs in Angry Birds. (All of whom I hate.) We used to daydream about fighting impossible foes against insurmountable odds. But instead, these days, we’re waging war against brainless versions of ourselves and, most of the time, we’re not even winning.


I don’t want to impress people I wouldn’t cross the road to talk to. ↔ Ricky Gervais


The 88 is a band I’m not super crazy about but I do like some of their songs. “They Ought To See You Now” is one of them.


Sad, sad day for my roommates. R.I.P. Guitar Hero.

→ The only bright side of all the chaos transpiring in Egypt right now is that, if only for a brief time, the good old U.S. of A. doesn’t appear to be the most disorganized established government on the planet.

This gentleman from Philadelphia might be off his rocker but, hey, at least he’s trying to do something to help his community. Guaranteed Michael Ta’bon’s efforts don’t get nearly as much coverage as it should.