April 9th, 2012

word

sycophant [sikuh-fuhnt, -fant, sahy-kuh-] n. a self-seeking, servile flatterer; fawning parasite

birthday

James “Jim” Bowie (1796), Max von Sydow (1929), John Madden (1936), Steven Seagal (1956), Brian Setzer (1959), Q-Tip (1970), Mandy Moore (1984)

standpoint

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Those of you who know even the slightest bit about me know that I’m about as religious as Christopher Hitchens.

But the one thing I do like about Easter is the family dinner. Sure, Thanksgiving and Christmas are traditionally more renowned for big family dinners and there’s some truth to that, especially in my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners are legendary. My mother is more talented in the kitchen than 98% of the chefs in this country and both my parents have spent the entirety of their adult lives to makes sure both of those holidays are memorable, in one way or another, each and every year. Even as my siblings and I have moved into adulthood.

But Easter is different and it’s also not. Throughout the years, I’m sure I’ve experienced the occasional Easter dinner in the comfort of my parents’ house but I can’t truly recall one. Normally, that’s the holiday our family spends dining out. And, although the food’s never quite as delicious as when my mother, sisters and sisters-in-law (as well as the random, unsuccessful dish from a man in the family) are in charge of the menu, Easter dinner is fun due to the fact no one is in charge of anything except for actually showing up.

And that makes for a much more lighthearted evening. We can talk and catch up and ridicule and debate meaningless crap and even once in a while say nice things about each other.

Anyway, that’s what I felt like writing about today. It was more for me than any of you but I hope you enjoyed it at least a little.

quotation

Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous. That’s easy. It’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent. ↔ Kevin Bacon

tune

So I was watching Just Go With It the other night. C’mon, like you’ve never watched a bad Adam Sandler movie. Don’t judge. In any case, every song on the entire soundtrack had something to do with Sting and I forgot how much I liked The Police‘s “Canary in a Coal Mine.”

gallimaufry

→ Went and saw The Hunger Games this past Thursday evening. Despite the lady behind us who was providing her own unique brand of commentary toward the end, I was generally pleased with the adaptation.

→ It’s the year for dudes of faith. First, Tim Tebow. And now, Bubba Watson wins the Masters. Maybe all these athletes should start taking god more seriously. Seriously.

→ For all of you who know me personally and love making fun of my “antique” cell phone, I’m happy to admit I’ll be getting an iPhone today. So you’ll have to find someone else to rip on. Sorry.

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04.17.09 – Friday

Word: quixotic [kwik-sot-ik] adj. 1. (sometimes initial capital letter) resembling or befitting Don Quixote 2. extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical or impracticable 3. impulsive or rashly unpredictable

Birthday: J.P. Morgan (1837), Thornton Wilder (1897), Harry Reasoner (1923), Jan Hammer (1948), Rowdy Roddy Piper (1954), Michael Sembello (1954), Nick Hornby (1957), Maynard James Keenan (1964), Liz Phair (1967), Redman (1970), Jennifer Garner (1972), Victoria Beckham (1974)

Occurence: 1790 – In Philadelphia, Benjamin Franklin passes away at the age of 84.

Standpoint: In doing my daily research for this blog, I come across a lot of the same names. Some of these names I would prefer to never hear again. So, I decided to make a list of 5 People I Would Like To See Move To Another Planet. Here’s the first five people (in no particular order) I’d like to put on a vessel headed for another planet and what I’d say to them before I kicked them inside and sealed the hatch.

  • Glenn BeckFOX News Talk Show Host – “I’m sorry, Mr. Beck, but we just don’t need people like you anymore. Once upon a time, we liked it when our TV personalities stirred up the pot and whipped people into a frenzy for no good reason . It was fun to watch. But now, the stakes are too high. I’m afraid we need responsible broadcasting in this day and age. I know what you’re going to say. FOX News will just put someone else in your place. But we’ve all got our fingers crossed that person will be a little smarter and not half as loud. Here’s to hoping.”
  • Miley CyrusTeenage Music and Movie Superstar – “This is really delaying the inevitable, Miss Cyrus. In a couple of years, you won’t be famous anymore and no one will care where you are. So you might as well be on another planet. Maybe there, you can get a fresh start and actually make something of yourself without your dad, Billy Ray Cyrus. We know this will probably break his (achy-breaky) heart, but we’re looking to do what is best for everyone. We’ve packed your Radiohead CDs for the trip. Enjoy.”
  • Tom GreenInternet Talk Show Host – “Mr. Green, I’ve watched your internet talk show. You don’t seem as annoying as you did on MTV, a few years back. You were doing fine, conducting harmless interviews with Andrew “Dice” Clay, Kathy Griffin and other inconsequential celebrities. But you got greedy. You went on “Celebrity Apprentice” and reminded us that you are someone whose only comedic value rests in your ability to annoy. We’ve had enough.”
  • Paris HiltonHotel Heiress – “Miss Hilton, you’re innocuous enough. You seem to enjoy dabbling in all sorts of stuff. Music, television, fragrances. It appears you have a wide array of interests. We’re not sure how you became famous or even how you’ve managed to stay that way. Sadly, this might not even be your own doing. But we gotta get rid of you. There’s just too many people who care about your activities and we have to make you disappear so that those people can do more productive things with their time. Like monitor the Ashton Kutcher-CNN Twitter race.” [Note: The race is over. Ashton Kutcher won.]
  • MadonnaInternational Music Superstar –  “Hey, Madonna, you had a good run. But when you’re a younger woman and you want to, say, adopt a kid from a third-world country, we think you’re doing a great thing. When you’re your age and you seem to be amassing kids for no good reason, we think you’re creepy. We just wanted you to tour once in a while and sing ‘Material Girl’ and other former hits from your impressive catalog.  But you’ve pushed us too far. Don’t worry about your babies. We’re taking them over to Angelina Jolie‘s.”

Weekend: Each Friday, I’ll give you the 3 Things To Do In Philly When You’re Dead – my list of things to do in Philadelphia this weekend as if it’s your last. 

  • Today (04.17) –  3 Dollar Dance PartyWorld Cafe Live – Described as “an up and coming dance party made for everyone regardless of race, sexuality or background.” Since I’ve lost all the weight (50lbs. in the past year), I’ve noticed that I’m not a half-bad dancer. I’m not skilled, but I’m certainly not a liabilty out on the dance floor. And it sounds like it would be a cool crowd. Time: 11pm
  • Saturday (04.18) – Fresh Fish 2.0 Ten Minute Play FestivalWalking Fish Theatre – Often, people say, “Finally! Something for the A.D.D. crowd!” Well, in this instance, it’s kind of true. Brought to you by B. Somebody Productions, Fresh Fish 2.0 boasts “eight different plays with eight different directors and loads of different actors.” Time: 8pm
  • Sunday (04.19) – Cezanne and BeyondPhiladelphia Art Museum – A large collection (40 paintings and 20 watercolors) are showcased “alongside works by several artists for whom Cezanne has been a central inspiration and whose work reflects , both visually and poetically, Cezanne’s extraordinary legacy.” This exhibit is running through May 31st, so you’ve got some time. But why wait? Time: All Day

Quotation: Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless Bill Watterson

Tune: Yesterday, I asked my friend Ezgi to name her favorite song in heavy rotation right now. She replied, “‘Stars of Track and Field’ by Belle and Sebastian.” Take a listen.

Gallimaufry: In Philadelphia, it will soon become  illegal to use your cell phone while operating anything on wheels. Now what will all the drivers in front of me to occupy their time while they go 5mph in a 35mph zone? Ah, why am I worried? I’m sure they’ll figure something out…I’m pleased to say that I’ve discovered the reason reality television was invented. Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy from TV’s “The Cosby Show”) is finally getting her own reality show. My only question: What took so long?…After three decades, John Madden is calling it quits. The NFL announcer is retiring to spend more time with his family.

Incoming: Next week’s posts will include my Best One-Word Movie Titles, more Annoying Sayings & Misused Words, and some other great stuff. This was the best week so far for this fledgling blog and that’s mainly due to all of the reader participation I’ve received through comments left here, personal emails and all the involvement on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks for reading this week. Come back Monday for some more.