03.21.11 – a monday

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word

insipid [in-sip-id] adj. 1. without distinctive, interesting or stimulating qualities; vapid: an insipid personality 2. without sufficient taste to be pleasing, as food or drink; bland: a rather insipid soup

birthday

Johann Sebastian Bach (1685), Pierre Renoir (1885), Julio Gallo (1910), Russ Meyer (1922), Solomon Burke (1940), Timothy Dalton (1946), Eddie Money (1949), Gary Oldman (1958), Matthew Broderick (1962), Rosie O’Donnell (1962), Rhys Darby (1974)

standpoint

Starting a new kind of installment this fine Monday. I’m calling it Please Stop Talking! Basically, it’s a laundry list of individuals or groups of individuals whose mouths should be sewn shut.

All of you fantastic Americans who are griping about how we shouldn’t be “wasting our money” helping the people of Japan when there’s “people in this country suffering.” How exactly are you helping out here at home? Oh, you’re not?

→  Everyone who’s got some flippant remark about the tragedy in Japan. Especially those who reference “sushi” or “karaoke” or something equally clever. There are real people over there, dipshits.

Charlie Sheen. For the absolute love of god, Charlie Sheen.

Staunch Republicans. Also, staunch Democrats. In addition, anyone entertaining the idea of becoming a staunch Republican or Democrat. Simmer down. There’s some of us doing some actual thinking. We’ll let you know how it turns out.

Those of you who think you’re somehow more enlightened than the rest of us and are just dying to tell the world all about your take on things. Before you get started, you need to know you’re wrong and you always will be.

Seth Rogen. You’re hapless and go-lucky. You smoke pot and watch porn. You continue to fall ass-backwards into an increasingly charming fate. We get it. We’re over it. Your turn.

quotation

I’m going to simultaneously record an album, direct a movie, and write a novel about how living in suburbia is satisfying and terrific. ↔ Chuck Klosterman

tune

All you hipsters out there can say what you want about Ben Folds. I’ll admit, he’s lost a step in his past few albums or so but the guy is a consummate performer and puts on one hell of a show. Check out this video and, hopefully, you’ll see what I mean.

gallimaufry

Hey, Bret Michaels, thanks for sharing. How are you still valid? Please explain.

→ I’m sure it’s going to make my good friend Joe Taylor’s day when I state the following: I’m actually watching some college hoops this time around, something that, more than once, I’ve publicly proclaimed I would never do. Still not going to link to it on my blog. I’m sure they’ll be fine without my traffic.

→ Love this headline: “Pentagon: Gadhafi forces in disarray after assault.” You think? After “missions that used stealth B-2 bombers, jet fighters, more than 120 Tomahawk cruise missiles and other high-tech weapons,” I’d be psyched if I was Gadhafi to be in “disarray.” It’s how I spent most of my twenties and early thirties. Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad. On a side note, can we get a ruling on how to actually spell the dude’s name? Does it actually start with a “G?” Or is it a “Q?” Wasn’t there a “u” in there at some point? I understand we’re dealing with different alphabets here but, before we move forward with “Operation: Disarray,” let’s nail it down. We’re better than this, people.

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03.31.09 – Tuesday

Whereabouts: Philadelphia, PA

Word: subterfuge [suhb-ter-fyooj] n. an artifice or expedient used to evade a rule, escape a consequence, hide something, etc.

Birthday: René Descartes (1596), Johann Sebastian Bach (1685), Joseph Haydn (1732), César Chávez (1927), William Daniels(1927), Gordie Howe (1928), Liz Claiborne (1929), Richard Chamberlain (1934), Shirley Jones (1934), Barney Frank (1940), Christopher Walken (1943), Gabe Kaplan (1945), Al Gore (1948), Rhea Perlman (1948), Ed Marinaro (1950), Angus Young (1955), Ewan McGregor (1971), Josh Saviano (1976)

Occurrence: 1918Daylight Saving Time is first used. I’ve heard all the reasons why DST is a good idea. None of them appeal to me. It’s just a hassle. Except when I’m at a bar when we’re turning the clocks back. Then, I mean hey, one more hour of drinking. When is that ever a bad thing?

Standpoint: I like police officers. I know lots of people who don’t. Most have had a bad experience with a cop. Some just like thumbing their nose at authority. (Rock on, rebel.) But being a police officer can’t be easy. I can understand why they might sometimes be rude. First, people generally lie to them. Hardly anyone tells the exact truth. At least not right off the bat. Cops always have to ask a million questions to get to the bottom of anything. That’s gotta be frustrating. Second, imagine if – every conversation that you had in a day – you had to worry about someone either lunging at you or sprinting away and diving over some fence. I’d find it hard to remain forever-courteous in that situation. So I get it. I appreciate everything that law enforcement does for our society. But what Dallas Police Officer Robert Powell did to Ryan and Tamisha Moats was borderline criminal. Guy definitely shouldn’t be a cop. Or even a junkyard security guard. Moats, however, handled the situation like a gentleman and continues to do so. The saddest part about the whole incident is that, if Moats wasn’t an NFL running back, we would’ve never even known it occurred.

Quotation: A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light.Henry Morgan

Soupçon: The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms prohibits the use of the word “refreshing” in describing any alcoholic beverage. I thought old Zima ads might’ve used the word but I can’t find any official use of the word “refreshing.”

Tune: Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” has always confused me. If she’s singing, “You’re so vain/You probably think this song is about you,” then wouldn’t the song at least be partially “about” whoever the hell she thinks is “so vain?” I think so. Furthermore, Simon has never confirmed who she’s referring to. Popular speculation names several suspects: Mick Jagger, Cat Stevens, Warren Beatty, Kris Kristofferson and James Taylor. Apparently, back then, if you played the guitar or happened to be Warren Beatty, you had a pretty good shot of dating Ms. Simon.

Link: Calvin and Hobbes Wonderland – Everything you could possibly need about the awesome comic strip by Bill Watterson.

Gallimaufry: It’s no secret that I like President Obama. But funny is funny. Check out Barack Obama’s Teleprompter’s Blog…Ever wished for super powers? Sure you have. Let Cracked explain why you don’t want them…Using TweetDeck for Twitter is my new vice. I highly recommend it.