November 7, 2011

word

quean [kween] n. 1. an overly forward, impudent woman; shrew; hussy 2. a prostitute 3. British Dialect. a girl or young woman, especially a robust one

birthday

Leon Trotsky (1879), Albert Camus (1913), Billy Graham (1918), Joni Mitchell (1941), David Petraeus (1952), King Kong Bundy (1957), Dana Plato (1964), Morgan Spurlock (1970)

standpoint

There’s very few bars left that allow smoking, and the place where I work is not one of them but here’s a curious little side effect to the smoking ban: people bringing their small infant or child to the bar. It’s always a younger couple meeting up with childless friends. They’ll come in and announce, “Oh, we don’t need a table, we’re just gonna hang at the bar. Is that cool?” Despite the suggestions of the staff that they might be more comfortable at a table, they insist that (a) their baby is so well-behaved, he or she will be fine in the carrier and will most likely sleep the entire time and (b) other places let them do it all of the time (a lie) and there’s never a problem (another lie).

And 99.9% of the time, the first 30 minutes are uneventful. But inevitably, the crying starts or, worse, the shouting out of incomprehensible words and phrases. Yes, I fully understand this is what children do. It is not lost on me.

But lots of people who come to sit at a bar are doing so precisely because it’s supposed to be a child-free zone. They desire to eat a meal in peace while participating in some adult conversation. And, while they may smile politely each time a baby is disrupting that peace, they secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wish the people who brought the baby would use a little common sense and remove themselves from the area. But that rarely happens. Instead, they’ll most likely spring the baby from the carrier and place he or she on top of the bar, creating an even bigger spectacle. The parents are under the impression that since they firmly believe their baby is the most amazing specimen to ever draw breath, everyone else will feel the exact same way with the proper exposure. And it never works out that way. The other customers begin to mutter under their breath or ask for their bill and leave. When the couple finally do pack up shop and leave (with the baby, of course) everyone looks at me and asks questions like, “Since when are babies allowed at the bar?” or “How can people be so oblivious?” I have no answer for these questions because to answer them would be violating basic hospitality business axioms that state you shouldn’t badmouth customers to other customers.

But if I allowed myself to say whatever I wanted, it might go something like this: “When you have a baby, one of the main things you’re giving up, unless you find someone to babysit, is the ability to sit at a bar and drink. It’s different if you come in at 2:30 in the afternoon while the bar is empty and want to get a quick bite to eat during off time. But when you come in at 6:00 pm and want to prop your baby up in his or her carrier on a barstool and have multiple drinks, well, I’m sorry but that’s not okay. There’s such a thing as common courtesy and those kinds of parents need to look into it.”

I’ll never say anything like that to my customers but something needs to be said eventually.

quotation

When love is not madness, it is not love. ↔ Pedro Calderón de la Barca

tune

My buddy Tim loves this song. I gotta agree with him, it’s pretty solid. Like Stars meets The Pogues. Here’s “Little Talks” by Of Monsters and Men.

gallimaufry

→ Holy shit. This clip from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart would’ve probably been good enough with just Donald Trump’s idiotic comments but Ann Coulter makes me want to move to another country.

→ What a great example of damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t.

→ If you’re looking for an incredibly obvious news story, look no further and just click here.

→ Sorry, everyone, no sports coverage today. I know you were dying for it.

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05.17.11 – a tuesday

word

carrel [kar-uhl] n. 1. also called cubicle, stall, a small recess or enclosed area in a library stack, designed for individual study or reading 2. a table or desk with three sides extending above the writing surface to serve as partitions, designed for individual study, as in a library

birthday

Maureen O’Sullivan (1911), Dennis Hopper (1936), Taj Mahal (1942), Bill Paxton (1955), Sugar Ray Leonard (1956), Bob Saget (1956), Enya (1961), Craig Ferguson (1962), Trent Reznor (1965), Matthew McGrory (1973) 

standpoint

I went to grade school with Matthew McGrory (see the last name in today’s birthday section). He was a year older than me. I remember him vividly from back then due to the fact he was literally larger than life.

Years later, I was sitting with some friends, watching Big Fish and there was Matthew, sharing a scene with Ewan McGregor. I was psyched for him. I can state with relative certainty everyone watching the movie with me that night would say something like, “At first, I thought it was cool that Josh knew the guy who played the giant. But eventually his inability to shut the hell up about it proved to be a huge distraction. I had to re-watch it again a few days later.”

I was sad to learn a short while ago that Matthew passed away at the age of 32. Here’s a tribute video I found on YouTube.

quotation

The chimpanzee who is flying in space took off at 10:08. He reports that everything is perfect and working well. ↔ John F. Kennedy

tune

All types of people like to rail on Will Smith. He’s not “hardcore” enough or “real” enough or something similar. But, the dude makes catchy songs. Also, I’ve met him on three different occasions and he seemed like a decent sort. Plus, he made the best shore anthem ever, fittingly named…”Summertime.”

gallimaufry

Last night I saw Doug Benson at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. I have to give the guy props for putting on a great show while completely annihilated.

→ For those of you in the food and beverage industry, you need to read this for a little inspiration.

→ This sucks. I thought it was for real. But, as it turns out, he may have just been screwing around with the American public. If we can’t trust Donald Trump, who in the hell do we look to now?

05.12.11 – a thursday

word

hubris [hyoo-bris, hoo-] n. excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance

birthday

Florence Nightingale (1820), Katharine Hepburn (1907), Yogi Berra (1925), Burt Bacharach (1928), Tom Snyder (1936), George Carlin (1938), Steve Winwood (1948), Gabriel Byrne (1950), Billy Squier (1950), Ving Rhames (1959), Emilio Estevez (1962), Tony Hawk (1968), Jason Biggs (1978)

standpoint

I’ve been promising this for the last year or two but it’s finally going to happen. euneJeune – true story will be resurrected from the dead. The existing 13 stories will be revamped in ways that might make them marginally less accurate but exponentially more entertaining. And, for all of you who have sent me emails asking for new stories, (some emails were more demanding than others, I’m talking to you, Bill McLeer), you’ll finally get your wish.

quotation

People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation. ↔ Chuck Klosterman

tune

The New Pornographers are one of the best bands I’ve ever seen live. And “Sing Me Spanish Techno” was one of the best songs they performed that night.

gallimaufry

We all knew that, if we were just patient enough and played our cards right, this story would be told. Citizens of Earth, it’s a glorious and fulfilling day!

→ All of you geniuses out there pontificating as to why these natural disasters keep happening around the world and more specifically here in our country, I am formally requesting you take the energy you’re expending and channel it to spread the word about this.

Words With Friends. Usurping Angry Birds as society’s greatest time waster? Maybe. Challenge me to a game (eunejeune) and we’ll discuss it in the chat room as we play.

05.02.11 – a monday

word

aplomb [uhplom, uhpluhm] n. 1. imperturbably self-possession, poise or assurance 2. the perpendicular, or vertical, position

birthday

Benjamin Spock (1903), Engelbert Humperdinck (1936), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (1972), David Beckham (1975), Lily Allen (1985)

standpoint

Osama bin Laden  was killed yesterday, roughly ten years after the tragedy of 9/11.

Long story short, someone found out that the douchebag was holed up in some Pakistani mansion, a special forces unit was sent in and, shortly thereafter, he died because that’s pretty much the only option when a bunch of guys are riddling you with bullets.

(I like to think the unit resembled the one from Predator but without Carl Weathers’ character because that dude had his own agenda and a disruptive one at that.) 

President Obama addressed the nation late last night and said all of the right things but there was definitely a look in his eyes that said, “Have some, Trump.”

To say that the killing of bin Laden is huge is a monumental understatement. People around the world have been calling for the asshole’s head ever since he decided it would be amusing to murder a couple thousand people because his outdated culture/religion just wasn’t holding people’s attention the way it once had. It’s against my nature and it feels callous typing this but if anyone deserved to be shot a whole bunch of times, it was Osama bin Laden. He simply needed to go.

Lastly, I’m curious to see, in the week to come, how our completely misguided society and its dreadful “media” are going to spin this in a way that makes the killing of bin Laden, something that every red-blooded human has been demanding, into some sort of political maneuvering on the part of Obama. Oh, it’s coming. And it’s going to be pretty nauseating.

quotation

It’s an amazing disappointing realization to know just how thoughtless and insensitive to other human beings we can so simply and predictably be programmed to be. ↔ David Cross

tune

Sometimes I fall asleep with the television on. I’m human, it’s true. The other morning I woke up and the show Yes, Dear was on and John Hiatt was making a cameo, I guess, singing some nonsense song called “Things I Think About At Work.” I wish it was a real Hiatt tune because it was pretty damn catchy. I’ve been singing it in my head ever since. Occasionally, it’s the simple things, no?

gallimaufry

An hour after the death of bin Laden, Google’s all ready on top of it. Love it.

→ I’m not too proud to say that I got a little choked up watching Steve Carell’s final appearance (for now) on The Office. Judge me if you’d like. I’m completely comfortable with my sentimentality.

Fast Five made $83.6 million at the box office this weekend. Come on, people, we’re better than this.

04.12.11 – a tuesday

word

milquetoast [milk-tohst] n. a very timid, unassertive, spineless person, especially one who is easily dominated or intimidated: a milquetoast who’s afraid to ask for a raise

birthday

Henry Clay (1777), Beverly Cleary (1916), Tiny Tim (1932), Herbie Hancock (1940), Ed O’Neill (1946), Tom Clancy (1947), David Letterman (1947), David Cassidy (1950), Jon Krakauer (1954), Andy García (1956), Vince Gill (1957), Art Alexakis (1962), Shannen Doherty (1971), Claire Danes (1979)

standpoint

I’ve got an imaginative brain. I am constantly wondering about the world around me. Here’s a new segment called I’m Wondering.

Here’s how it works: each one of the following sentences begin with the words I’m Wondering… Easy enough. Let’s start.

I’m Wondering…

…who out there is actually taking Donald Trump and his inane rhetoric seriously? Obama is fair game but he crossed the line when he attacked The Cos.

…if the dudes on Pawn Stars really know as much as they seem to on the show? Also, is the title supposed to be derivative of the term “pornstars?”

…why B. J. Novak enjoys a top billing during the opening credits of The Office? I know he’s one of the show’s writers and producers but the character he plays is relatively minor.

…if I’m friends with anyone who’s remotely interested in the upcoming Royal Wedding and if they’re concerned that me finding that out will immediately end our friendship?

…how in the world it took this long for Glenn Beck to get the ax from Fox News? Who was buying what that clown was selling anyway?

quotation

To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything in the world. ↔ Charles Dudley Warner

tune

Tragic tales of music bands are a dime-a-dozen but they’re especially sad when a freak car accident kills two members a mere month before the release of their debut album. Such was the case with For Squirrels, a mid-90s group from Florida that could’ve gone on to do great things. Here’s “Mighty KC.”

gallimaufry

Coldwater, Michigan gets it. Now let’s follow its lead and start making sense.

→ The upcoming months will feature new releases by elbow, Foo Fighters, TV On the Radio, Gorillaz, Pinback, Regina Spektor, I’m From Barcelona, Explosions In the Sky, Steve Earle, Times New Viking, Architecture In Helsinki, Beastie Boys, Fleet Foxes, The Felice Brothers, Here We Go Magic, Okkervil River, The Sea and the Cake, David Bazan and Death Cab for Cutie to name just a few. It’s no Spring 2010 but it’ll do, right?

→ How is this for a sad story? The Winklevoss twins pitched a business concept to Mark Zuckerberg, a guy roughly about ten times smarter than the two of them combined. He steals their idea and creates arguably the most successful business in the history of humanity. They get pissed, sue and get $65 million (now worth $160 million) for basically doing nothing but having an original idea. And now some court has, in essence, told them, “Move on. Enough is enough.” It’s pretty damn disheartening when two spoiled nitwits,who are all ready worth a couple hundred million, are told to stop wasting everyone’s time. This is still the USA, right?