04.20.11 – a wednesday

word

chthonian [thoh-nee-uhn] adj. of or pertaining to the deities, spirits and other beings dwelling under the earth

birthday

Adolf Hitler (1899), Lionel Hampton (1908), George Takei (1937), Jessica Lange (1949), Luther Vandross (1951), Crispin Glover (1964), Carmen Electra (1972), Joey Lawrence (1976)

standpoint

Here’s some stuff that’s been on my mind in the past few days.

→ Apparently, someone is trying hack my gmail account. At least that’s what Google is telling me. I am not a violent individual, by any stretch of the imagination, but I would have no problem spending a rainy afternoon punching hackers in the face. Seriously, you guys need to get some frickin’ girlfriends all ready.

→ Why is it so difficult to find out about the status of Comedy Central’s The Benson Interruption? Is it through? On hiatus? Is Doug Benson on a record-setting marijuana binge? I want answers, people.

→ I don’t care that some dude called me “a skirt” the other day when I openly declared I want a Can-Am Roadster, I still think they’re cool.

→ I’ve made a decision. Daredevil, starring Ben Affleck, is the worst superhero movie ever made. Adam West can finally hold his head high.

→ Following Wil Wheaton on Twitter as he watches his Los Angeles Kings is simultaneously fun and heartbreaking. The dude obviously digs hockey.

quotation

As advertising blather becomes the nation’s normal idiom, language becomes printed noise. ↔ George Will

tune

I don’t have a long-winded intro for this one, it’s just, in my opinion, a kick-ass song. Here’s “Open House” by Bombay Bicycle Club.

gallimaufry

Turns out those days were not “all happy” and it appears as if they definitely weren’t “free.” I’m relieved to see Richie and Fonzie aren’t getting involved in this mess.

I’ve never concealed my objection to the ridiculous gun laws in this country but the guns aren’t truly to blame. (They’re just inanimate objects, after all.) No, the actual problem is there’s no mandatory IQ test for those folks out there who feel owning a gun is a stellar idea. Read this story and tell me I’m wrong.

Hey, if you haven’t yet figured out why the NHL’s Stanley Cup Playoffs is unquestionably the most complete sports experience on the planet, you’re missing out. 

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09.21.09 – A Monday

WORD

farrago [fuhrah-goh, –rey-] n. a confused mixture; hodgepodge; medley: a farrago of doubts, fears, hopes, and wishes

BIRTHDAY

Frederick III, Holy Roman Emperor (1415), Louis Joliet (1645), H.G. Wells (1866), Larry Hagman (1931), Leonard Cohen (1934), Henry Gibson (1935), Jerry Bruckheimer (1945), Stephen King (1947), Bill Murray (1950), Bruce Arena (1951), Ethan Coen (1957), Nancy Travis (1961), Rob Morrow (1962), Cheryl Hines (1965), Faith Hill (1967), Ricki Lake (1968), Alfonso Ribeiro (1971), Luke Wilson (1971), Liam Gallagher (1971), Nicole Richie (1981)

STANDPOINT

I got nothing to report today. All of this medical treatment has turned my sleeping patterns into much of a debacle.

Some things are in the works, though.

Is 2009 the year of celebrity deaths? Maybe. Maybe not.

What I’ve figured out about my relationship with the suburbs. And, no, all you Facebook friends, it’s got nothing to do with all the damn spiders.

Lastly, I’m working on a piece about the modern dating scene and I think more than a few of you will be curious to see what I’ve discovered.

Until then, come back for some more.

QUOTATION

It’s so much easier for me to talk about my life in front of two thousand people than it is one-on-one. I’m a real defensive person, because if you were sensitive in my neighborhood you were something to eat. ← Richard Pryor

TUNE

Watching the SNL rerun this past Saturday, I came to the conclusion everything Green Day has done in the past several years is just simply mediocre. I mean, “Jesus of Suburbia” (Great lyrics: “And there’s nothing wrong with me/This is how I’m supposed to be/In a land of make believe/That don’t believe in me.”) is a really great song but I’m done thinking bands who reshape its music to appeal to the lowest common denominator (AKA the musically lazy who make up just about every dim-witted person who make “American Idol” a runaway hit show). I’m here to tell you “J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Felva)” was the last truly good song Green Day released. Disagree? Too bad. You’re exactly who I’m talking about.

GALLIMAUFRY

→ Something that’s truly sad about…well, life in general…sometimes is when you find program on television that truly appeals to you. It’s smart and funny and entertaining. Comedy Central used to air this game show called “Beat the Geeks.” And I loved it. So did my buddy Tim. We would watch it for hours On-Demand. But then it went away. And the world was reduced accordingly.

→ Often, I’ve wondered just how many days Bill Murray’s character spent running around Punxsutawney in Groundhog Day. Luckily, someone took the time to figure it all out. In what may be too much detail.

→ My buddy Dave Frees, a solidly good guy in his own right, has a son in Victor’s Lament. Check out the music. Kind of a Mighty Mighty Bosstones vibe to it, but probably better. Check out “Living for Today.”

09.18.09 – A Friday

Word

querolous [kweruh-luhs, kwer-yuh-] adj. 1. full of complaints; complaining 2. characterized by or uttered in complaint; peevish: a querulous tone; constant querulous reminders of things to be done

Birthday

Trajan (53), Samuel Johnson (1709), George Read (1733), Greta Garbo (1905), Jack Warden (1920), Robert Blake (1933), Frankie Avalon (1939), Fred Willard (1939), Dee Dee Ramone (1952), James Gandolfini (1961), Holly Robinson Peete (1964), Lance Armstrong (1971), Jada Pinkett Smith (1971), James Marsden (1973), Xzibit (1974), Jason Sudeikis (1975)

Standpoint

If you’re an avid reader of this blog, and it’s shame if you’re not, you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an above-average humorous individual. To put it mildly.

And, after reaching  that conclusion, I’m betting you’ve wondered, “Hey. How’d that guy get so goddamn funny? What his secret?” Well, it stems from all kinds of places. I will say that, coming from a family with five other siblings competing for attention at the dinner table, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the the proper execution of well-timed humor earned you a little more time at the podium during the nightly palaver.

But that wasn’t all there was to it. I had my influences. At a young age, I decided every single person in the entertainment business was essentially just borrowing material from somewhere or another, and presenting it as their own original ponderings. But, once in a while, I’d see something that either (a) was borrowing shit from so many different places it did actually became original content, or (b) was original content. Watching anything that fell into one of those categories represented a possibility of, for me at least, a tiny shred of hope the world wasn’t doomed to watch garbage like “Charles In Charge” or “Who’s The Boss?” for the rest of eternity.  

Here are a few things you can watch if you want to see exactly what I’m talking about. (Note: It’s a coincidence that Dave Foley is in two of the three clips here. Or maybe not. He’s a funny motherfucker.) (Another note: I was going to embed the videos but I couldn’t with some so just hit the link.)

Clip OneNewsRadio“The Cane”

Phil Hartman has my vote as the funniest person ever to put two feet on Earth’s soil. This scene from “NewsRadio” with Dave Foley represents most of the range Hartman possessed. Foley is great, too.

 Clip(s) TwoKids In The Hall“King of Empty Promises” and The State“Porcupine Racetrack”

“Kids In The Hall” is debatably the funniest sketch comedy show of all-time. Other might say it was “The State.” I lean towards the latter, but, really it all depends on my mood. Both were unendingly funny. Both went places similar shows (“SNL“MADtv”) either weren’t allowed to go or were incapable of. These two sketches helped convinced me there were other like-minded lunatics out there in the world.

Clip ThreeBlack Books“Bernard Black Drunk”

This clip from “Black Books” – the British sitcom that aired on the UK’s Channel 4 for three seasons and the US’ Comedy Central for about one hour late some random Sunday night – is representative of the completely hilarious work Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey did on this unfortunately still-unknown classic.

 Sadly, if you don’t find any/all of this funny, there’s only one thing wrong with you. You would fail to recognize humor if it walked up and kneecapped you.

Quotation

A drunk driver’s very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunken backseat driver – if he’s persuasive. ← Demetri Martin

Tune

Yesterday, I revealed that I’m a sucker for a song with well-written lyrics. Well, there’s something that can make a song with well-written lyrics even better. And that’s a multi-part harmony. When done the right way, multiple harmonies can turn an ordinary song into an anthem. The multiple harmony song usually starts off kind of slow, but that’s not a requirement. There is one steadfast rule, though, each harmony, and its corresponding lyrics, has to be introduced separately. A byproduct of that is the song can travel all over the rythmic spectrum, producing the effect of several songs contained in one. The result of the crescendo is an overlapping vocal harmony where all the separate vocal sections are woven into each other and the best parts of each accompanying melody are grooved into one. The final minute of such a song should make you want to turn up the volume, roll down the windows and hit the gas pedal. That’s how you know it’s a good one. I have five favorite songs falling into that category. But, I think I’ve decided that “See These Bones” by Nada Surf is the greatest. The best part is when Matthew Caws comes in with “The lights in the city are more or less blinking/Which side of the story decides what you’re thinking.” It’s the beginning of the end. But in a really good way. Listen to it. I’m not wrong. Right?

Gallimaufry

→ Man, am I glad I never got around to removing the PEOPLE SUCK sticker from the interior of my car. Because, I’m really sorry, it’s one of the indisputable truths of this world. Need more proof than the cool sticker in my car? Check out WhyTheFuckDoYouHaveAKid.com. As Jonathan Schmock, the actor who played the Chez Quiz Maitre D’ in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (click that link to watch the original movie trailer.), stated so very snootily, “I weep for the future.”

→ You know what’s a really great thing? When the mayor of one of the largest cities in the country plays chicken with the state legislature using innocent peoples’ jobs as a bargaining chip. That’s what Philadelphia’s mayor, Michael Nutter, did with the jobs of 3,000 municipal workers in an attempt to pry money out of Pennsylvania. It worked. But still. Kind of shitty.

→ All right. Need to make a teensy tiny request of the fashion world here. Please make the fucking Snuggie go away. I’ll help in whatever way I can. Just let me know where to be and when to ber there. For centuries, individuals have made an easy time of having a blanket on top of them as they relax. It’s kind of like Basic Human Knowledge 101.  We don’t need one that slips over our heads. We are not Old West Mexican gunfighters.