04.17.09 – Friday

Word: quixotic [kwik-sot-ik] adj. 1. (sometimes initial capital letter) resembling or befitting Don Quixote 2. extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical or impracticable 3. impulsive or rashly unpredictable

Birthday: J.P. Morgan (1837), Thornton Wilder (1897), Harry Reasoner (1923), Jan Hammer (1948), Rowdy Roddy Piper (1954), Michael Sembello (1954), Nick Hornby (1957), Maynard James Keenan (1964), Liz Phair (1967), Redman (1970), Jennifer Garner (1972), Victoria Beckham (1974)

Occurence: 1790 – In Philadelphia, Benjamin Franklin passes away at the age of 84.

Standpoint: In doing my daily research for this blog, I come across a lot of the same names. Some of these names I would prefer to never hear again. So, I decided to make a list of 5 People I Would Like To See Move To Another Planet. Here’s the first five people (in no particular order) I’d like to put on a vessel headed for another planet and what I’d say to them before I kicked them inside and sealed the hatch.

  • Glenn BeckFOX News Talk Show Host – “I’m sorry, Mr. Beck, but we just don’t need people like you anymore. Once upon a time, we liked it when our TV personalities stirred up the pot and whipped people into a frenzy for no good reason . It was fun to watch. But now, the stakes are too high. I’m afraid we need responsible broadcasting in this day and age. I know what you’re going to say. FOX News will just put someone else in your place. But we’ve all got our fingers crossed that person will be a little smarter and not half as loud. Here’s to hoping.”
  • Miley CyrusTeenage Music and Movie Superstar – “This is really delaying the inevitable, Miss Cyrus. In a couple of years, you won’t be famous anymore and no one will care where you are. So you might as well be on another planet. Maybe there, you can get a fresh start and actually make something of yourself without your dad, Billy Ray Cyrus. We know this will probably break his (achy-breaky) heart, but we’re looking to do what is best for everyone. We’ve packed your Radiohead CDs for the trip. Enjoy.”
  • Tom GreenInternet Talk Show Host – “Mr. Green, I’ve watched your internet talk show. You don’t seem as annoying as you did on MTV, a few years back. You were doing fine, conducting harmless interviews with Andrew “Dice” Clay, Kathy Griffin and other inconsequential celebrities. But you got greedy. You went on “Celebrity Apprentice” and reminded us that you are someone whose only comedic value rests in your ability to annoy. We’ve had enough.”
  • Paris HiltonHotel Heiress – “Miss Hilton, you’re innocuous enough. You seem to enjoy dabbling in all sorts of stuff. Music, television, fragrances. It appears you have a wide array of interests. We’re not sure how you became famous or even how you’ve managed to stay that way. Sadly, this might not even be your own doing. But we gotta get rid of you. There’s just too many people who care about your activities and we have to make you disappear so that those people can do more productive things with their time. Like monitor the Ashton Kutcher-CNN Twitter race.” [Note: The race is over. Ashton Kutcher won.]
  • MadonnaInternational Music Superstar –  “Hey, Madonna, you had a good run. But when you’re a younger woman and you want to, say, adopt a kid from a third-world country, we think you’re doing a great thing. When you’re your age and you seem to be amassing kids for no good reason, we think you’re creepy. We just wanted you to tour once in a while and sing ‘Material Girl’ and other former hits from your impressive catalog.  But you’ve pushed us too far. Don’t worry about your babies. We’re taking them over to Angelina Jolie‘s.”

Weekend: Each Friday, I’ll give you the 3 Things To Do In Philly When You’re Dead – my list of things to do in Philadelphia this weekend as if it’s your last. 

  • Today (04.17) –  3 Dollar Dance PartyWorld Cafe Live – Described as “an up and coming dance party made for everyone regardless of race, sexuality or background.” Since I’ve lost all the weight (50lbs. in the past year), I’ve noticed that I’m not a half-bad dancer. I’m not skilled, but I’m certainly not a liabilty out on the dance floor. And it sounds like it would be a cool crowd. Time: 11pm
  • Saturday (04.18) – Fresh Fish 2.0 Ten Minute Play FestivalWalking Fish Theatre – Often, people say, “Finally! Something for the A.D.D. crowd!” Well, in this instance, it’s kind of true. Brought to you by B. Somebody Productions, Fresh Fish 2.0 boasts “eight different plays with eight different directors and loads of different actors.” Time: 8pm
  • Sunday (04.19) – Cezanne and BeyondPhiladelphia Art Museum – A large collection (40 paintings and 20 watercolors) are showcased “alongside works by several artists for whom Cezanne has been a central inspiration and whose work reflects , both visually and poetically, Cezanne’s extraordinary legacy.” This exhibit is running through May 31st, so you’ve got some time. But why wait? Time: All Day

Quotation: Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless Bill Watterson

Tune: Yesterday, I asked my friend Ezgi to name her favorite song in heavy rotation right now. She replied, “‘Stars of Track and Field’ by Belle and Sebastian.” Take a listen.

Gallimaufry: In Philadelphia, it will soon become  illegal to use your cell phone while operating anything on wheels. Now what will all the drivers in front of me to occupy their time while they go 5mph in a 35mph zone? Ah, why am I worried? I’m sure they’ll figure something out…I’m pleased to say that I’ve discovered the reason reality television was invented. Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy from TV’s “The Cosby Show”) is finally getting her own reality show. My only question: What took so long?…After three decades, John Madden is calling it quits. The NFL announcer is retiring to spend more time with his family.

Incoming: Next week’s posts will include my Best One-Word Movie Titles, more Annoying Sayings & Misused Words, and some other great stuff. This was the best week so far for this fledgling blog and that’s mainly due to all of the reader participation I’ve received through comments left here, personal emails and all the involvement on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks for reading this week. Come back Monday for some more.

03.26.09 – Thursday

Whereabouts: Philadelphia, PA

Word: elucidate [i-loo-si-deyt] 1. verb (used with object) to make lucid or clear; throw light upon; explain: an explanation that elucidated his recent strange behavior  2. verb (used without object) to provide clarification; explain

Birthday: Nathaniel Bowditch (1773), Robert Frost (1874), Tennessee Williams (1911), Gregory Corso (1930), Sandra Day O’Connor (1930), Leonard Nimoy (1931), Alan Arkin (1934), Harry Kalas (1936), James Caan (1940), Erica Jong (1942), Bob Woodward (1943), Diana Ross (1944), Steven Tyler (1948), Vicki Lawrence (1949), Teddy Pendergrass (1950), Martin Short (1950), Leeza Gibbons (1957), Jennifer Grey (1960), Michael Imperioli (1966), Kenny Chesney (1968), James Iha (1968), Amy Smart (1976), Keira Knightley (1985)

Occurrence: 1969John Kennedy Toole commits suicide outside of Biloxi, Mississippi. Eleven years later, A Confederacy of Dunces is first published. In 1981, Toole posthumously is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.

Standpoint: “In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” Andy Warhol said that. It became a cliché. Even Warhol grew tired of it. Whatever he was talking about, however, is no longer relevant. Fame has changed. It’s no longer fleeting. Once a human being becomes famous, he is famous forever. A while back, television executives discovered something: we don’t want celebrities to go away. Shows like “Dancing With the Stars”, “Celebrity Apprentice” and “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew” feature individuals that, once upon a time, we would’ve never heard from again. Jeff Conaway? Tom Green? Steve-O?!? People who were once deservedly in the public spotlight (maybe) continue to reside in it because no one is asking them to leave. We encourage them to hang out and simply remain famous. And it’s because we either (a) associate the celebrity with some sort of nostalgia or (b) are patiently waiting for the celebrity to fail. Why else would we care what Ozzy Osbourne and his family are up to? Or Hulk Hogan and his family? Fame is no longer reserved for the unique and talented. Nowadays, you just need a marketing strategy. Is there any other reason why Kathy Griffin is not the manager of a Los Angeles-area GAP?

Quotation: Without music, life would be a mistake Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Digit: 17 – It’s proven as the least random number, meaning when asked to come up with a random number, people will pick 17 more often than other numbers.

Tune: Last night, I heard one of the most ridiculous songs I’ve heard in a while. Listen to Jazmine Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows” and tell me you don’t agree. I dare ya.  

Link: Worldometers – Think overpopulation isn’t a problem?

Gallimaufry: I like Alexander Ovechkin but his “Stick on Fire” celebration after scoring his 50th goal was lame. That kind of crap belongs in the NFL not the NHL…More hockey. This article by Seth Rorabaugh about his experience with Philadelphia FlyersScott Hartnell shows how NHL players are different from other professional athletes…Are you a fan of circular logic? If so, you’ll love what is happening with the vitamin B-6…Make sure to check back tomorrow for things to do in Philadelphia over the weekend.