07.25.11 – a monday

word

flivver [fliv-er] n. 1. Older Slang. an automobile, especially one that is small, inexpensive and old 2. Slang. something of unsatisfactory quality or inferior grade

birthday

Thomas Eakins (1844), Estelle Getty (1923), Matt LeBlanc (1967), Brad Renfro (1982)

standpoint

So I’m sure you’re all tiring of my excuses (or lack thereof) for not updating as much as we’ve all grown accustomed. But shit just keeps getting in the way. For instance, last week I wrenched my back due to an unfortunate sneeze (lame, I know) and it was really all I could do to get up and down the stairs for a day or two.

But here’s some stuff I was concentrating/obsessing on while I was laid up.

→ I’m off the whole James Spader appearance on the season finale of The Office for the time being (almost). My latest thing is Conan O’Brien and “It looks good!” I’ve been annoying everyone with it, especially my exceedingly patient girlfriend who I’m assuming understands I just need to get it out of my system. Here’s a sample of what I’m referring to:

It’s positively addicting.

→ The NFL lockout. What a bunch of complete nonsense. There will be an NFL season, people. In the oft chance I’m wrong and the parties can’t come to an agreement, I’ll probably just going on living life as usual.

→ Next year sometime, there’s going to be a movie released, starring Robert De Niro, with the best title ever: Another Bullshit Night in Suck City. Come on, you know you’re curious.

→ Last, and I guess most important, I was reading about the US debt ceiling talks between John Boehner and President Obama breaking down and now it seems that both the Republican and Democratic parties are prepping for action. And it made me think of the term cluster fuck which was originally a military term used to describe a situation in which there were too many officers involved in solving a problem that basically required only one clear cut decision.  If you’re a conscientious thinker (or at the very least masquerade as one) then the time has come when you need to re-evaluate just what in the hell is going on around you. You hate Obama and his flaky liberal agenda? Fine. You think the Republican party is comprised of close-minded gasbags? Fine. You have the sneaking suspicion that maybe Ralph Nader wasn’t batshit crazy? Fine (maybe). Whichever way you lean or don’t, it’s essentially defunct nowadays. It’s paramount that, as of today, we start catechizing the political dogma we’ve been forever spoon-fed and begin formulating a new way of doing things because, and I know this is an unpopular mindset, this shit just ain’t working.

quotation

Lots of people talk to animals…Not very many listen, though…That’s the problem. ↔ Benjamin Hoff

tune

I always loved this version of “Crying, Waiting, Hoping” by Marshall Crenshaw from the Lou Diamond Phillips‘ classic film, La Bamba.

gallimaufry

→ Everyone always said that they could see it coming but it doesn’t make the death of 27 year old Amy Winehouse any less tragic. Rest in peace, troubled soul.

→ I’m pretty sure the only person dismayed by this is Sarah Palin. Christ, could she be more laughable?

→ Looks like my chance purchase of Washed Out’s Within and Without created quite a buzz. I mean, it could just be a coincidence that Ernest Greene‘s album has taken off into the stratosphere since I wrote about it on this very blog last week but I wouldn’t be shocked if there’s all ready a thank you letter headed my way.

09.14.09 – A Monday

Word

gadabout [gaduh-bout] n. 1. a person who moves about restlessly or aimlessly, esp. from one social activity to another 2. a person who travels often or to many different places, esp. for pleasure

Birthday

Claudius Clavus (1388), Johann Michael Haydn (1737), Hamlin Garland (1860), Harry Sinden (1932), Walter Koenig (1936), Larry Brown (1940), Joey Heatherton (1944), Sam Neill (1947), Beth Neilsen Chapman (1958), Wendy Thomas (1961), Faith Ford (1964), Dan Cortese (1967), Tyler Perry (1969), Robert Ben Garant (1970), Kimberly Williams-Paisley (1971), Nas (1973), Amy Winehouse (1983)

Standpoint

Oh, man, yesterday was the first Sunday of NFL season, and, Christ, could it have been more dramatic for the Philadelphia Eagles and their fans? I’m completely sure the answer is no.

Yesterday afternoon, Donovan McNabb ran in for a 3rd quarter touchdown, putting another nail in the coffin his team was busy building for a supremely shitty Carolina Panthers football team. And then some 300-lb. dude named Damione Lewis landed all of his significant weight on McNabb’s rib cage, causing some sort of damage, the extent of which is not yet fully determined

Suddenly, as McNabb was writhing in pain on the turf, and FOX Sports was already showing the live feed of Michael Vick up in some luxury box, it wasn’t hard to envision the lightbulbs go on over the collective braintrust that is Philadelphia Eagles fans everywhere.

Later, as Kevin Kolb entered the game and did just a tiny bit better playing quarterback than, say, a robot I might make in my basement out of old stereo components, it wasn’t hard to conjure what every die-hard, bleeding-green member of Eagles’ nation was thinking.

Dogs? What dogs? I sort of remember something about Michael Vick and dogs. I kind of remember there being some kind of negative attention he may have attracted to himself involving something he did with/to dogs. It’s all a bit fuzzy. Let’s move on.

Couple of superb truths are about to be brought to light regarding “the best fans in football.”

One, this city seems to get its rocks off on when a guy, who’s done nothing but smile through all the massive amounts of shit we’ve hurled his way, gets physically injured. (I’ll elaborate more on the McNabb/Philadelphia relationship in tomorrow’s post.)

Two, all the clowns who were so “outraged” by the Vick signing are going to find that feeling suddenly replaced with outright panic over who’s going to quarterback the football team they’ve dedicated endless hours revolving their lives around.

Instantaneously, this city is about to change its tune. Because, while the pointless slaughter of defenseless dogs is, yes, a crime, it doesn’t come close to the potential atrocity of not making the playoffs.

Quotation

I’m always concerned that I’m not being nice enough. You know, people have told me I’m unfailingly polite….But I think those people are all pieces of shit. ◊ Michael Cera

Tune

Listening to tons of really good stuff the past couple of weeks. At least 15 new albums, mostly because of eMusic giving me 50 free downloads for some reason or another. The best of the bunch is, hands  down, Touchdown by brakesbrakesbrakes, known as Brakes in its native UK, featuring members of British Sea Power, Electric Soft Parade and The Tenderfoot. I may be digging on it so much because there are certain parts of the album where the band seems to be channeling Rogue Wave. And that’s fine by me because if there are two bands out there who can gracefully twist an turn through an album like that, all the better. Try “Worry About It Later.”

Gallimaufry

 → I’ve never been a huge Jim Carroll fan, but definitely had a boatload of respect for his body of work. Very sad to learn that he died this past Friday night from a heart attack at the age of 60. He was someone who two of my personal heroes, Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg, recognized as a viable voice. his poetry and prose never really appealed to me, but, being the music geek that I happen to be, I’ve always loved “People Who Died” – one of the only great songs to come out of Carroll’s foray into music.

→ I’ll be the first one to tell anyone who’ll listen there isn’t an abundance of interesting people up here in the suburbs. Exception to the rule are my friends who run Liberty Tattoo in Skippack. Talented, cool folks. Definitely worth a drive up from wherever the hell it is you are to get some quality work done on your person.

→ I’ve made an important life decision. If you and I are to be friends, I’ll need to be convinced you have a firm grasp of the important contribution Calvin and Hobbes made to our society. If you’re smart, you’ll start using this as a meter for determining worthwhile individuals. Don’t worry, if you’re already my friend and you don’t enjoy Calvin and Hobbes, we can still hang out. I won’t stop being friends with you. After all, it’s just a comic strip, right? Wrong. That was just a test. Hopefully you passed.

05.04.09 – Monday

Word: ostensible [o-sten-suh-buhl] adj. 1. outwardly appearing as such; professed; pretended: an ostensible cheerfulness concealing sadness 2. apparent, evident or conspicuous: the ostensible truth of their theories

Birthday: Horace Mann (1796), William H. Prescott (1796), Ron Carter (1937), Dick Dale (1937), Mr. Fuji (1937), Paul Gleason (1939), Robin Cook (1940), Roger Rees (1944), Mick Mars (1951), Pia Zadora (1954), Randy Travis (1959), Oleta Adams (1962), Ana Gasteyer (1967), Gregg Alexander (1970), Will Arnett (1970), Lance Bass (1979)

Occurence: 1972 – The Don’t Make A Wave Committee officially changes its name to Greenpeace Foundation.

Standpoint: “I’ll never date a girl who reads those idiotic celebrity gossip magazines.” I made that statement (or something similar) one night over some beers to a buddy of mine. Eventually, I came to realize, if I stuck to my guns and only dated females who didn’t read periodicals such as US Magazine and People, I’d be limiting my dating pool to roughly 14 women. As I’ve done numerous times in my life, I was forced to go back on a statement I completely believed at the time of its utterance.

All women read “idiotic celebrity gossip magazines.” Lots of men do, too, though it’s not something any of us will admit to each other. Everyone loves exploring the surreal arena that is celebrity gossip. And why? The reason’s not exactly forthcoming. How do you explain someone with two master’s degrees getting school-girl excited about the arrival of a  magazine which contains twice as many pictures as complete sentences? It makes little sense that individuals who can speak on many educated topics will drop whatever they’re doing to find out what crazy capers Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are currently mixed up in. Logic comes up short in providing a definitive answer.

Online, the genre is best described as logjammed. Blogging about the day-to-day (and often minute-to-minute) ongoings of celebrity life is as widespread as it is unchecked. Let’s blame it on Perez. While I estimate I’d last about 10 seconds in a conversation with Hilton before the guy uttered something unforgivingly bothersome, his “reporting” is – at the very least – (a) perchance on the level and (b) marginally readable. Sadly, I can’t offer the same quasi-praise for his colleagues in the celebrity blogosphere. In their world, the Swine Flu isn’t newsworthy until Amy Winehouse contracts it. In the battle of what’s really important. Somali pirates finish a distant second to David Hasselhoff’s drinking problem.

The “Blogroll” on TMZ.com contains scores of sites dedicated to the pursuit of celebrity exposure. Yesterday, after immersing myself in their vocation, I concluded that, minus those who stalk or pass for celebrities, the population of Los Angeles may very well reside at about 700 people. Here’s some of the hard-hitting journalism I encountered along the way.

  • “Kelly Osbourne on Cocaine Diet”AnythingHollywood – At first, I thought the title suggested Kelly Osbourne was actively using blow to shed some unwanted pounds. After further delving  into the two-paragraph article, I discovered it contained her poignant inner thoughts on celebs who do employ the use of cocaine for weight loss. Ozzy‘s daughter is tired of reading about “how fat” she is. “It’s not like I’m like all the other celebrities in Hollywood that’s going to do a line of cocaine to lose weight.” Osbourne makes no mention of the fact that an exercise regimen might be a valid consideration. Nor does she offer a solid explanation as to how exactly she continues to think of herself as a celebrity.  AnythingHollywood concludes the article with encouragement for the former reality television star, “Stay happy, Kelly, that’s what matters.” I’m reasonably sure Osbourne’s message is meaningful to someone out there: “Hey, the best way to deflect unwanted discussion on being unhealthy and overweight is highlighting a worse thing you could be doing. Like habit-forming drugs.” When you read it about a dozen times in the right kind of light, it’s almost inspirational.
  • “Alyson Hannigan & Alexis Denisof Take Satyana For A Stroll”Pink is the New Blog – Let’s do a breakdown. “It really looks like the Hannigan-Denisofs are taking things nice and easy these days so that they can enjoy being a new family unit with their just over a month-old baby girl. It’s clear that parenthood really suits the couple.” I’m not disagreeing with that, but I’m hoping that the author has a little more to go on than the pictures. Not much more than Hannigan pushing a futuristic stroller with Denisof ambling along, hands in pockets. More: “…the serenity and calmness that they show whenever they are out and about belies that notion that new parents are frazzled and nearly driven to insanity.” I’m a little skeptical. Perhaps “the serenity and calmness” displayed might be better described as “the bewilderment and stupefaction” of two people faced with the reality of a casual walk turning into a spectator sport. “Frazzled?” “Nearly driven to insanity?” Inevitable, if you ask me…Finally, “…of course, we don’t get to see what they look like at 3AM when little Miss Satyana gets hungry/wet and/or poopy.” Patience, Pink is the New Blog. I’m sure one day, with the right set of circumstances, you’ll get the pictures needed to scoop the exclusive on the “Miss Satyana Was Hungry/Wet and/or Poopy” story that the world is on-the-edge-of-its-seat to read. Personally, I would’ve rather read a few sentences on how naming your daughter “Satyana” is somehow (a) acceptable or (b) not creating an uphill battle for the child.
  • “Get That Money, HoHan!”Dlisted – So poorly written that I’d wager Lindsay Lohan could’ve written something a bit more coherent. Annoying in the fact that someone is making money off maintaining and contributing to Dlisted. Encouraging in that, if whomever is at the helm of this nonsense is profiting in any way whatsoever, odds are that you can make money doing nearly anything. Lohan is one of the most inconsequential people that I (unfortunately) know about. Dlisted is her blog equivalent. Unfair? Maybe. But I think I’m standing on pretty solid ground here.

The fun/absurdity doesn’t end there. I could go on. But I think I’ve adequately shown my intent here. If we could bottle the collective energy spent daily on the gathering of celebrity gossip we’d have the means to quickly solve all the world’s problems. At the very least, we could figure out some way for Kelly Osbourne to achieve her goal of drug-free weight loss.

Quotation: Be nice to whites, they need you to rediscover their humanity. Desmond Tutu

Tune: As a rule, I dislike remixes. However, this version of Soul Coughing‘s “Circles” has been a long-time exception.

Gallimaufry: Congratulations to everyone who ran in the 2009 Blue Cross Broad Street Run yesterday. Special congrats go out to my roomie who ran 10 miles in an hour and a half. Way to go, Kate. All the training paid off…TopCultured.com has published its list of “4 Tell-tale Signs of Douchebaggery.” I recently bought a shirt at Express and I wear a wristband so it turns out I’m half a douchebag. I think that’s more favorable  than some might describe me…The 76ers had a “total collapse.”  The Flyers got outworked by a lesser team. The Phillies are off to a good, but not spectacular, start. Enter the Eagles minicamp and the silence of Donovan McNabb. Ah. I knew that World Series euphoria would wear off eventually. Welcome back, shaky Philadelphia sports scene. 

Incoming: Tomorrow7 Best Movie Soundtracks. Wednesday – Working on something. Stay tuned. Later – More of your entries for Annoying Sayings & Misused Words and 3 Things To Do In Philly When You’re Dead and much much much more.