11.10.09 – A Tuesday


animus [anuh-muhs] n. 1. strong dislike or enmity; hostile attitude; animosity 2. purpose; intention; animating spirit 3. (in the psychology of C. G. Jung) the masculine principle, esp. as present in women


Martin Luther (1483), Winston Churchill (1871), Russell Johnson (1924), Richard Burton (1925), Ennio Morricone (1928), Roy Scheider (1932), Russell Means (1939), Saxby Chambliss (1943), Tim Rice (1944), Sinbad (1956), Linda Cohn (1959), Mackenzie Phillips (1959), Neil Gaiman (1960), Michael Jai White (1967), Tracy Morgan (1968), Warren G. (1970), Brittany Murphy (1977), Eve (1978), Miranda Lambert (1983)


While I’m not writing this blog or reading a book or doing something of a social nature or whatever the hell else I feel like, I am a bartender. I like being a bartender. I like serving drinks, talking to people and making them laugh. It’s important to like what you do. For those of you out there who don’t like your chosen occupation, get out while you still can. That’s my advice to you. So there.

In any case, there’s one aspect of bartending that grates on my fucking nerves – listening to people drone on and on about something that matters so little to everyone everywhere and no one yet realizes it.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of pointless nonsense about one subject in particular. You see, I bartend in a little town called Skippack. Down the road a ways is a slightly-larger, but no more important, town named Collegeville, cleverly because of the fact Ursinus College is located within it.

But nowadays, no one’s talking about Ursinus. To be fair, it’s likely they weren’t anyway. Nevertheless, there’s only one thing everyone wants to talk about no matter what: the grand opening of the Wegmans, a supermarket that, apparently, has the ability to capture the collective consciousness of everyone within a 45-minute drive.

It’s all anyone can talk about. So automatically I hate it. In general, I have a problem with anything that no one has a problem with. That’s mainly my problem with almost everything.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want to talk about a place you can go to buy food. (a) I’m not particularly dazzled by recollections of an, until now, never before seen selection of cheese. Also, (b) I’m not entirely impressed by the fact there’s a pub inside a supermarket. In addition, (c) I’m not remotely interested in the largest selection of seafood in the area. (These three things, by the way, are almost always offered as the main reasons one would ever go to Wegmans, although not the only ones.)

Granted, I am a single, 35-year old male (temporarily) living in an area greatly overpopulated with parents and children. For parents, it is a unique opportunity to provide for your family and afford yourself a few drinks while doing it, instead of having to wait to get home, unload the groceries, make dinner and put the kids to bed before opening a bottle of wine, or four, and get your buzz on. I am not ignorant of this fact. As I’ve been more exposed to parents as an adult, I’ve figured out that good parenting is directly proportionate to the amount of weekly alcohol consumption. It wasn’t that way when I was growing up but that’s the way it is now. At least, for the most part. Not saying all you parents out there are getting bombed every night. But a lot of you are. I can’t blame you. If I were a parent, I would probably be within your ranks.

In any case, hearing people swap stories about their first (and second and third) trip to Wegmans is about as depressing a level of converation that can be reached.

I refuse to participate.

So I’m not going. Even it means never talking to anyone again. Or, at least, until I move downtown in January. Then, I’ll have to talk to all the single folks about how fresh everything at Whole Foods seem to be. But, somehow, it doesn’t seem like it’ll suck half as much.


The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.  It works in reverse, too.  When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.P.J. O’Rourke


Sometimes, all it takes is a killer line in a song to make listen to it about 93 times – over and over. Such is the case with Mike Doughty‘s tune, “I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress To Keep On Dancing.” It’s a good and quick song that features the line, “I’ll assess the essence of the mess…” Not sure why I like that so much. But I do. And that’s that.


→ If you haven’t seen the video footage of University of New Mexico’s women’s soccer player, Elizabeth Lambert, you should. This chick is so completely crazy, I’m surprised I’ve never dated her.

→ Just want to officially thank the Philadelphia Phillies for coming oh-so-very-close to winning back-to-back World Series. I know the whole organization has been waiting for me to weigh in. Once again, I will state Philadelphia is a “baseball town.” I will keep saying that until everyone believes it. Because it’s the truth.

→ In a world gone mad, sometimes I read some news that alleviates all the numbness and actually allows me to feel again. The fact Steven Tyler has officially left Aerosmith was not that kind of news. I’m sure there’s a large group of people out there who care when a middle-aged singer leaves a band that hasn’t contributed anything musically solid in decades. I’m just not a member of that group.  

10 thoughts on “11.10.09 – A Tuesday

  1. i agree with you josh, along with all those other f’ing stupid stores they put in… i actually heard someone in Collegeville the other day state that it was about time we got a bookstore in the area… and I am not sure where I got the nerve, but I immediately turned around and told them that they do have one right in Trappe and if they wanted to live next to a large company owned bookstore they should have moved to King of Prussia… stupid people… that townships sucks… they have ruined where i grew up and my parents can’t even take a left turn out of their road any more! STUPID!!

  2. Hey Man,
    The missus works for Weggy’s, but not the Collegeville location. Top 5 regularly in “Best Places To Work in US” I goddamn love the place, probably as much as I can’t stand Whole Foods (I don’t need algae in my TP to properly wipe my ass, thank you). I will pick out 5 items for you personally and after using/consuming them, will guarantee that a Late Night visit (don’t go during the day or you will kill someone for sure) will be in the cards. As a Chef I can say “3 am and hungry?” No better choice.

  3. Heather, thanks. You are like the ninth person this month to call me a misanthrope. I embrace it.

  4. Adam, it’s probably good for that kind of thing. But being single and childless, I just feel it has nothing to offer. And I’m not willing to find out. I’m still headstrong like that.

  5. Thanks, John, high praise coming from a great writer like yourself. Much appreciated.

  6. Kevin, I totally get it. I just can’t bring myself to do it. In this instance, and in many others I guess, I refuse to be a joiner.

  7. Josh,
    Don’t hate on Wegmans. I think that they are great, they take the extra step and coming from a food service/customer service background, they are the best.

    I get how it can be boring as hell hearing people prattle on about it, but after experiencing it, I am a huge fan.

    Give it a shot. as the saying goes, “don’t knock it till ya try it”

  8. sorry to say, but I love wegman’s . . . me and the kids go there every saturday and have lunch before we do the shopping . . .

  9. As a parent (who probably should be drinking way more than she does) I f**king HATE Wegman’s or maybe it’s all the ass holes who have nothing bettter to do with their sad lives now that they became parents and populate the one in Collegeville. Don’t go – you will become more of a misanthrope than you are already.

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