swivet [swiv-it] n. a state of nervous excitement, haste or anxiety; flutter: I was in such a swivet that I could hardly speak.

birthday

Due to yesterday’s Wikipedia blackout over SOPA and PIPA, I won’t be providing people’s birthdays today. Yeah, government is rocking it.

standpoint

So I haven’t been posting. I don’t really have an excuse worth submitting.

Also, I don’t really have a clear standpoint today. But I’m going to share some thoughts I’ve been having and you can deem them a waste of your time or not and let me know after you’re done.

→ The GOP Presidential candidates. Shit. You guys made a huge fucking mistake when you ceased being fun. Bring back Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann because the rest of you guys are sort of hateful and boring. And, c’mon, it’s gonna be Romney. And he’s gonna lose to Obama. And everyone’s gonna spend four more years bitching. I think this is something that, besides those of you who are hoping against hope, we should all just agree on.

→ On a side note, if you GOP clowns are looking to actually back someone I’d be interested in your bringing your very own Jimmy McMillan into these debates. An “exquisitely bearded 64-year old ex-postal worker” who “is no stranger to controversies?” The American public deserves to know more.

→ Rick Santorum is actually still in the race. Seriously? What the fuck, people? Are there still people out there who believe in what Santorum has to say? Thinly veiled racist and homophobic statements? Rick Santorum embodies the exact opposite direction this country needs to go in. If you disagree with me on that, I encourage you to drive off a fucking bridge. Seriously. If you even know how to use the internet, click on Google Maps, find the nearest bridge and step on the gas pedal. (And, Fox News has once again nailed it right on the head with this superb article that means absolutely nothing to anyone. Great job, Dan Gainor.) See what I did there with all the links? Pretty clever, right? Here’s another.

→ On a lighter note, I think I’m finally coming around to The Office without Steve Carell. Maybe I should’ve put that one first.

quotation

What other people think of me is none of my business. ↔ Gary Oldman

tune

If shown this video to about a dozen people and about eleven of them loved. (The one exception was my good friend Joe who wondered if there was something wrong with me.) Joe’s objections aside, I think this song, and accompanying video is one of the best things I’ve heard in quite some time. Here’s “Losers” from The Belle Brigade.

gallimaufry

→ I wonder if, because of all this social networking, celebrities get pissed at each other when shit like this happens. Will Peyton Manning say something to Rob Lowe the next time their paths cross?

→ Yesterday, while painting a hallway, I listened to NPR’s interview with Nicholas Money and everything he had to say about mushrooms. It didn’t strike me until I was writing this that Samantha and I struggled over which mushroom pizza to order last night at Arpeggio’s. I guess Mr. Money’s description of various fungi didn’t make a dent. Also, if you’re thinking about dining at Arpeggio’s, seriously consider take-out. I’ve gotten better service at 3am from a strung-out diner waitress. Food was good, though.

→ Hey, if Francesco Schettino, the captain of the Costa Concordia says he “tripped” into a lifeboat, than I’m gonna take his word for it. I mean, it’s just too awful an excuse to not be true.

gasconade [gas-kuh-neyd] n. 1. extravagant boasting; boastful talk v. 2. to boast extravagantly; bluster

birthday

Richard Nixon (1913), Bob Denver (1935), Joan Baez (1941), J. K. Simmons (1955), Dave Matthews (1967), Joey Lauren Adams (1968)

standpoint

I’m back from vacation and I’ve got lots of things to share but today I’m going to defer to my sister-in-law, Christine Speer Lejeune, and post a link to her fantastic article from the latest issue of Philadelphia Magazine.

Read it and let me know what you think.

quotation

There’s a whole spectrum of douchebaggery. But the vast majority of peple are not part of that spectrum. ↔ Jon Cryer

tune

I am loving this song right now. “It’s Real” by Real Estate.

gallimaufry

→ Man, how pissed off are you Republicans out there? Rick Santorum is now your guy? More on this tomorrow or the next day. But chew on this while you’re waiting.

→ I was saddened to hear that Monsignor Bonner and Archbishop Prendergast will most likely be closing after this school year. I didn’t grow up in Drexel Hill but I spent lots of time there when I was younger and I know how important those schools are to the community there. Big bummer.

→ Stephen Hawking is most likely the smartest man alive. Also, his suppositions are lugubrious.

As always, thanks for reading. 

panegyric [pan-i-jir-ik, -jahy-rik] n. 1. a lofty oration or writing in praise of a person or thing; eulogy 2. formal or elaborate praise

birthday

Nostradamus (1503), Michael Ovitz (1946), Beth Orton (1970)

standpoint

Jerry Sandusky. Maybe you’ve heard of him.

Yesterday, Sandusky and his lawyer, Joe Amendola, decided to waive his right to a preliminary hearing. Afterwards, Amendola accused Sandusky’s accusers of being in it for “the financial gain” as well as engaging in “some sort of collusion.”

Classy.

Sandusky is going to prison eventually, no matter how long his attorneys postpone it. It’s a fact. Fuck him.

But then there’s the matter of Joe Paterno, who’s experiencing some more difficulties after being fired as Penn State’s football coach for the past couple of centuries.

And it’s sad. It truly is. Up until a few months ago, Paterno was held in such high regard that some considered him to be the most influential person in the entire state of Pennsylvania. And it’s a legitimate shame that the sexual misconduct of one of his coaches will be the thing that, at least for the next decade or so, comes to mind when his name comes up.

But there’s a lesson here and it’s a good one: Do the right thing. When JoePa had the chance to get out in front of Sandusky’s crimes and report what he knew, he didn’t. For whatever reason, he just didn’t. Kids went through unimaginable anguish because of it. And all of Paterno’s great accomplishments, and there were a lot of them, were not so great when weighed against his decision to do absolutely nothing.

quotation

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. ↔ Bertrand Russell

tune

I don’t know much about Seryn but I’m liking what I’m hearing from them so far. Check out “We Will All Be Changed.”

gallimaufry

→ What started out as a pretty strong effort, the GOP presidential race has become a laughing stock.

→ Despite some cloud coverage, I actually witnessed a little bit of the Geminid Meteor Shower last night. Good stuff.

→ If you’re wondering what I’ll be doing at 10pm tonight, wonder no more. I’ll be watching the first installment of HBO’s 24/7 Flyers/Rangers: Road to the NHL Winter Classic.

satori [suh-tawr-ee, -torh-ee] n. Zen. sudden enlightenment

birthday

John Jay (1745), Frank Sinatra (1915), Bob Barker (1923), Ed Koch (1924), Dionne Warwick (1940), Grover Washington, Jr. (1943), Mädchen Amick (1970)

standpoint

There’s no new standpoint today. Blame my roommate Dan who recently bought the entire series DVD collection of the HBO series Deadwood. I’m officially addicted.

quotation

If music be the food of love, play on. ↔ William Shakespeare

tune

I’ve never been a fan of Bad Religion and I’m pretty sure I’ve only really listened to one of their songs. But it’s a great one. Here’s “Sorrow.”

gallimaufry

→ Tomorrow is going to be another long day for all those sports “experts” who’ve been waiting for Tim Tebow to fail. Rock on, God boy.

→ If you’re asking my opinion, Paste is the only music website that I know of that doesn’t completely suck. I’m currently exploring Paste’s 20 Best New Bands of 2011. Lots of good stuff.

→ I wanted to mention this a while back but it slipped my mind: the Philadelphia 76ers, under new ownership, finally got rid of Hip Hop, one of the most ridiculous sports mascots of all-time. How they stopped children from running for their lives when Hip Hop entered the stands will always remain a mystery.

weald [weeld] n. wooded or uncultivated country

birthday

Eli Wallach (1915), Ted Knight (1923), Noam Chomsky (1928), Tom Waits (1949), Larry Bird (1956), C. Thomas Howell (1966), Damien Rice (1973)

standpoint

I’m not breaking new ground here when I state that, Eric Bolling, the host of Fox Business Network’s Follow The Money, is a complete fucking idiot. Like most everyone associated with FoxNews, he’s just an antiquated windbag promoting an absurd agenda and not to be taken seriously.

But this segment is not only ridiculous, it’s mostly pathetic.

It would be easy to pick this video apart and shine a light on why everything Bolling, Dan Gainor and Andrea Tantaros said is just the worst kind of bullshit journalism, but I’m trusting that, after viewing it, you’ll see exactly why people like this are a problem.

If you don’t see it, I’m sorry, but you’re a dipshit.

For Christ’s sake, it’s The Muppets.

quotation

The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it. ↔ Wendell Berry

tune

This is one of the greatest videos I’ve seen in the past couple of weeks. It’s Leslie David Baker, better known as Stanley from The Office, in a real music video for a real song he made.

gallimaufry

→ Michele Bachmann‘s presidential campaign is often laughable. But this is absolutely awesome. Way to go, little man.

→ Alec Baldwin may be a funny mofo but he’s definitely a crazy one, as well. Or maybe he’s just really competitive when it comes to Words with Friends.

→ Yeah, this country got lots of shit wrong with it and none of it looks like it’s getting fixed anytime soon so, sure, why not dick around with China? Makes sense to me.

Also, I wanted to thank everyone for all of the fantastic comments, through Facebook and text messages and emails and in person, about my post about Harv last Wednesday. It was a truly humbling experience. I really appreciate it.

word

bobbery [bob-uh-ree] n. a disturbance; brawl

birthday

Martin Van Buren (1782), Walt Disney (1901), Strom Thurmond (1902), Dr. Dre (1963), Margaret Cho (1968)

standpoint

I usually steer clear of pontificating about the NFL on here for two reasons: (1) I don’t generally give a shit about the NFL and (2) No one seems to really give a shit about my opinion when it comes to the NFL.

But today I’m gonna do it anyway because I’ve become increasingly interested in the unlikely rise of Denver Broncos’ quarterback Tim Tebow, the guy who was supposed to suck as a quarterback in the NFL, despite being a Heisman Trophy winner and winning a national championship at the collegiate level.

For those of you who might’ve been recently rescued after becoming stranded in a mountainous region when your plane went down and are just now just catching up on everything you’ve missed in the past couple of months, here’s a quick recap on Tim Tebow’s so far:

1. Although Denver fans are clamoring for him to be the starter, Tim Tebow begins the NFL season as the number 3 quarterback on the Broncos’ depth chart.

2. The Broncos get off to a 1-4 start, prompting head coach John Fox to succumb to the pressure. He tags Tebow as his new starting quarterback.

3. Instead of floundering, as most experts predict he will, Tebow goes 6-1 as a starter and puts the Broncos in the improbable position of playoff hopefuls.

All right, so that’s what’s happened so far in a nutshell.

And it’s not the most important thing going on in the world but it is pretty interesting simply because everyone in the know when it comes to the NFL seems to be gleefully anticipating the day when Tebow falls flat on his face. And that’s most likely because they’re befuddled by how the dude just keeps winning games, week after week.

Predictability is the most appealing facet of the NFL. Sure, upsets occasionally happen but, for the most part, the outcome is sort of predetermined. That’s why NFL commentators have the best job in the world. They spend all week telling fans what team is going to win and what team is going to lose and the reasons why. And when they’re right, they proclaim their genius in an I-told-you-so tone. And when they’re wrong, they cite it as the very reason they love the game, praising the parity of the league, “any given Sunday” and all of that.

But Tebow confuses them. For all intents and purposes, he’s not supposed to be successful as an NFL quarterback. He’s not a gifted passer in a game that’s mostly all passing. He’s not a conventional player, a wildcard. He’s overly religious and too nice a guy. He’s not supported by his coach or the most important guy in Denver, John Elway.

In essence, Tebow’s been told, “Listen, buddy, we’ve explored all of the options and, really, if there was any other choice we’d be going with that but there’s none forthcoming so just get in there and try not to make us the laughing stock of the league.”

And Tebow probably doesn’t curse but if he did, he’s mostly likely saying something like, “Hey, fuckers, how do you like me now?”

quotation

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they’re in the game. ↔ Paul Rodriguez

tune

Yet another unearthed song from my broken down, antique iPod that only works when it I plug into my laptop. Here’s “Teenagers Talking” by Sunny Day Sets Fire.

gallimaufry

→ If you’re ever in Philadelphia and you’re wondering to yourself what restaurant serves the best burger, follow these intructions: (1) Get your ass to 19th and Lombard where you’ll find The Pub and Kitchen. (2) Enter the building. (3) Order the Churchill Burger. (4) After it’s placed in front of you, eat the Churchill Burger. (5) Spend the next week telling everyone about it. (Like I’ve been doing.)

→ Don’t ask these people where they’re effin from. It’s kind of a sore subject.

→ Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign due to his murky grasp on fidelity and how it pertains to marriage. Yeah, the douchebag had a pretty slim shot at the presidency but I’m gonna miss his chutzpah.

word

pal [pal] n. 1. a very close, intimate friend; comrade; chum 2. an accomplice

standpoint

So, for today’s post, I was looking for a cool, obscure word that would sort of sum up how close Harv and I were. But none of the words I looked at came close to the word above: pal.

When I read the first part, “a very close, intimate friend,” it made me chuckle. Harv and I were not shy about talking about how great we thought the other was, but if he ever heard me describe him as “a very close, intimate friend,” he would’ve said something like, “Dude, that sounds sort of gay.” And then I’d say it all of the time just to piss him off.

But it was the second definition that really made me smile: “an accomplice.” Harv and I were each other’s accomplices for the better part of 20 years. One of us needed to talk about something, the other was there. One of us needed a best man for our weddings, the other was there. One of us needed to blow off steam, have some Miller Lites and watch a Flyers’ game, the other was there. One of us needed whatever, it didn’t matter what it was, the other was there. One way or another.

And whatever we did, whatever happened to be going on, we laughed our way through most everything. And, holy shit, we laughed a lot. Harvey was my favorite person to make laugh. (My girlfriend Samantha is a very close second.) It seemed I could tell him any story and he would crack up. He knew me so well that he understood why something irked me or amused me or angered me. Hearing him laugh will always be the number one thing I miss most.

Which leads me to today’s quotation.

quotation

“Well, this is fucking depressing. Josh, say something funny.” ↔ Harvey Forsyth

When I think about all of the things Harv said to me, that line above is my favorite. A couple of our closest friends from college came to visit him in the hospital and after they left, our friend Phil stayed behind to talk about some affairs he was handling for Harv and April. I asked Harv if he wanted me to step out and take a walk while they discussed some very private matters. He peshawed me and told me to sit down. Obviously, I won’t go into to the details of what was discussed but it all centered around taking care of the business of Harv’s final wishes. At the time, it was a mostly hypothetical conversation because none of us truly thought the end was near. I sat silently and intently listened to every word, wishing it was four other people, any four other people, sitting in that fucking room. When the discussion wound down and the inevitable awkward silence fell on the room, Harv turned to me and said, “Well, this is fucking depressing. Josh, say something funny.” I said, “I stopped listening to you guys about seven minutes ago.” Not the funniest thing I’ve ever uttered, not by a long shot, but it had the desired effect. Everyone laughed, including Harv. And, even though, I’m sure I did make him laugh again after that, it’s the last time I actually remember.

tune

One time, Harv and I shanghaied a bootleg video of a Jane’s Addiction concert from the Hammerstein Ballroom ’97. We watched that goddamn tape about twice a month for two years until Harv’s conscience finally got the better of him and he returned it to its rightful owner. Here’s a fantastic, albeit not the best quality, clip from that show.

gallimaufry

→ These iPhone apps are getting a bit out of control.

→ I guess I’d heard that R.E.M. had broken up but it didn’t register until I read this interview with Mike Mills.

→ So after a mainly serious post today, here’s a little lighthearted romp of a slideshow featuring celebrities who are not what they used to be.

slumgullion [sluhm-guhl-yuhn, sluhm-guhl-] n. 1. a stew of meat, vegetables, potatoes, etc. 2. a beverage made weak or thin, as watery tea, coffee or the like 3. the refuse from processing whale carcasses 4. a reddish, muddy deposit in mining sluices

birthday

William Blake (1757), Gary Hart (1936), Randy Newman (1943), Alexander Godunov (1949), Paul Shaffer (1949), Ed Harris (1950), Judd Nelson (1959), Jon Stewart (1962), Anna Nicole Smith (1967)

standpoint

Today, I’m sharing some videos. You may have seen them before but you may have not. So just shut up and watch.

Delta Airline Ebonics Commercial

Funny Siri Commercial Parody

The Kids in the Hall’s King of Empty Promises

Quick Change Mexican Joust Scene

quotation

First think I look at? The face. Always the face. She’s gotta be pretty. Without pretty, I don’t care how good the body is. Bar rules don’t apply here. ↔ Arny Freytag

tune

If you’ve ever had a bar “where everyone knows your name,” well, then you’ll most likely understand “Radio Bar” by Fountains of Wayne.

gallimaufry

→ What is going on here? Is Philadelphia growing up? No one’s throwing batteries or snowballs or cheesesteaks? What will the rest of the country think? Someone better get down there and do something embarrassing and, at the very least, get people talking about something other than the epic season the Philadelphia Eagles are having.

→ The Lego Millennium Falcon. Cooler than most people’s cars.

→ I won’t be posting tomorrow. But there will be a post on Wednesday. Count on it…

bibliophage [bib-lee-uh-feyj] n. an ardent reader; a bookworm

birthday

William H. “Billy the Kid” Bonney (1859) (most likely inaccurate), Boris Karloff (1887), Harpo Marx (1888), Bruce Hornsby (1954), Chris Hardwick (1971), Miley Cyrus (1992)

standpoint

I’ve watched a lot of movies. And when it comes to movies there’s about a million lists out there of the best this and the worst that and what have you. But one list that’s mostly overlooked is The Biggest Assholes in Movie History. Sure there are a few out there but it’s largely an explored area. So I thought I would weigh in on this topic that is obviously in dire need of address. So here’s my list…so far.

Justin Timberlake as Sean Parker in The Social Network – Usually, Timberlake does his best to look squeaky clean in his cinematic endeavors but I gotta respect the guy for taking this role and doing a great job with it.

Hart Bochner as Harry Ellis in Die Hard – Ok, I know he’s more comic relief than serious asshole but the guy exemplifies every douchebag in the 80s. (Side note: I had no Bochner directed PCU until I had to look him up for this post.)

Matt Damon as Charlie Dillon in School Ties – If you can watch this movie and not want to punch real-life Matt Damon in the face, you’ve got ice water running through your veins.

Gene Hackman as John Herod in The Quick and The Dead – This clip doesn’t really reveal the extent of what a gigantic shithead Hackman plays in this movie but it’s the best scene so I thought I would include it.

William Atherton as Walter Peck in Ghostbusters - Atherton might be a very nice guy in real life but he will always be known for being one of the biggest assholes to ever grace the screen. I could’ve also cited him for Die Hard or Real Genius.

So that’s that. Feel free to comment if you think there are any I’ve overlooked.

quotation

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ↔ Jon Stewart

tune

Here’s the thing about The Muppets: They’re fucking awesome. Even though, they’re not technically members of the human race, they sum up everything great about it. They always assume the best about whatever situation they find themselves in. But they’re also incredibly sarcastic and, at times, they do actually get angry. But, in the end, they always forgive. I love this clip of Jason Segel’s SNL monologue from this past Saturday. (Sorry, you’re going to have to clip on the link. It wouldn’t embed properly.)

gallimaufry

→ Last night, CNN aired the GOP National Security Debate. I listened to most of it as I was preparing this post. When is the GOP going to realize it is doing itself absolutely no service by holding all of these debates? It’s become comical. My favorite part was when Herman Cain addressed Wolf Blitzer as “Blitz.” Here’s an article on some of the other gaffes from last night’s hi-jinks.

→ I know I’m probably beating this to death but what else is new? Yesterday, on 97.5 The Fanatic, Mike Missanelli interviewed Eric Lindros and John LeClair. During the interview, they discussed their latest charity efforts with CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia), what it was like to play with each other, Lindros’ feelings about his return to the city that shunned him and lots of other stuff.

→ I won’t be posting again until sometime next week. Happy Thanksgiving!